


daddy issues (an Avengers groupchat)

by Kiskillingit



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Humour, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker-centric, Protective Tony Stark, Superfamily (Marvel), all/any relationship are pretty subtle, chat fic, groupchat, irondad in denial, some characters don't come in until later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2020-02-26 02:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 27,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18714244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiskillingit/pseuds/Kiskillingit
Summary: Yet another groupchat fic because I'm tired of writing serious stuff all the time.Pretty Peter Parker centric, but with a healthy dose of everybody.No Endgame spoilers! (One reference but you wouldn't know it unless you've seen the movie).





	1. y'all'd've

**Author's Note:**

> Airport happened but then when Tony went to Siberia they talked it out like adults since Steve told Tony about Bucky ages ago in this AU. It’s about 3 or 4 months after that all went down. Also the timeline confuses me so it’s 2019 in this fic somehow. Also Peter’s at the compound lots but never really allowed to interact with the Avengers cause Tony doesn’t want them figuring out his identity.

**spidey** added **Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff, James Rhodes, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Bruce Banner, Shuri, Vision,** and **Wanda Maximoff** from phone number

**spidey:** ok wait wait before you all leave

**Steve Rogers:** What is this?

**spidey:** team building!!

**spidey** renamed **Shuri** to **sure**

**spidey** renamed **Wanda** to **maxicough**

**spidey:** see everything is good were good

**Tony Stark:** What the hell kid

**Steve Rogers:** Tony? Who is ‘Spidey’?

**spidey:** hi im peter!!

**Tony Stark:** jfc kid……

**spidey:** OH! Right sorry mr stark… made up names I forgot hi im spiderman!

**Steve Rogers:** From the airport? Queens?

**Clint Barton:** How did you get my phone number?

**Natasha Romanoff:** I second that question.

**Tony Stark:** Holy hell. That list was for emergencies!!

**James Rhodes:** Tony…

**James Rhodes:** Please tell me you did not give a confidential list of phone numbers to ‘Spiderman’.

**sure:** omg you did it

**maxicough:** I didn’t think you’d do it

**spidey:** if i dont have my honour what do i have?

**Steve Rogers:** That is a reasonable point.

**Tony Stark:** No it is not.

**Tony Stark:** Kid, we’re adults. You kids can have a ‘groupchat’ but we don’t have any interest.

**Spidey:** well u wont let me meet them irl

**Bucky Barnes:** If I may… I think this may be a good idea. Then I can send one message here instead of having to write a dozen different emails when I want to tell you all something.

**Bucky Barnes:** Like last night when dinner was finished and I had to send 10 different emails to let you all know.

**spidey:** …..

**sure:** Nobody tell him.

**Steve Rogers:** Tell him what?

**Tony Stark:** I actually agree with the degenerates. Don’t tell him.

**spidey:** offended ??

**Bucky Barnes:** Don’t tell me what?

**Clint Barton:** AHAHAHAHA

**Natasha Romanova:** Clint… this is not that funny.

**Bruce Banner:** A group chat! I love these things!

**sure:** Bruce Banner- a millennial hero

**Tony Stark:** Brucie please don’t encourage them.

**Steve Rogers:** Bruce you’ve been in one of these before?

**Natasha Romanoff:** How ancient are you Steve everyone’s been in at least one group chat.

**Bucky Barnes:** I haven’t

**James Rhodes:** I haven’t.

**Vision:** I have not.

**Tony Stark:** No?

**Clint Barton:** AHAHAHA

**Natasha Romanova:** Well none of you can say that anymore.

**Bucky Barnes:** Spiderman took our groupchat virginities

**Steve Rogers:** Bucky!!

**Tony Stark:** For the love of god take it back.

**Spidey:** 8)

**Bruce Banner:** I want to change the nickname but it won’t let me.

**maxicough:** THE dr bruce banner knpwing about gc nicknames is my aesthetic

**Bruce Banner:** ‘Spiderman’ if you are the admin please change my nickname to my last name.

**spidey** renamed **Bruce Banner** to **Banter**

**spidey:** whoops autocorrect

**spidey:** oh well what’s done is done

**Banter:** Good enough, thank you.

**sure:** ‘Spiderman’

**sure:** ‘ ’

**sure:** haha

**Tony Stark:** literally who are you even in a group chat with??

**Banter:** Thor and Loki

**spidey:** GIVE ME THEIR PHONE NUMBERS LET ME ADD THEM

**Natasha Romanoff:** …

**Clint Barton:** Natasha: feels left out

**Natasha Romanoff:** stfu

**Natasha Romanoff:** Peter please make me an administrator.

**spidey** added **Natasha Romanoff** as an administrator

**Natasha Romanoff** changed their name to **spider#1**

**spidey:** um rude

**spidey** removed **spider#1** as an administrator

**Clint Barton:** AHAHAHHA roasted

**spidey:** yeah well take this !!

**spidey** changed their name to **spider#better**

**Steve Rogers:** I don’t get it.

**maxicough:** oh no I know what happened

**spider#better:** you may be #1 but I’m #better

**spider#1:** you’re… number better?

**spidey:** number?? tf??

**Steve Rogers:** TF?

**Bucky Barnes:** Don’t ask, Steve

**sure:** Peter you absolute dumbass hahahahaha

**Tony Stark:** Holy shit kid you’re fired

**spider#1:** Peter explain yourself.

**spider#better:** I’m #better than you what is confusing u??

**spider#better:** also call me spiderman or spidey or something or else mr stark will get mad at me again for accidentally telling you my real name

**Tony Stark:** Yeah I haven’t forgotten that kid

**spider#better:** to be fair… you did just use my name

**Tony Stark:** Yeah cause you already spilled the beans

**Clint Barton:** AHAHAHAHHA

**spider#1:** Clint ??

**Clint Barton:** Lila explained………

**Clint Barton:** how young are you spidy???

**Tony Stark:** KID IF YOU ANSWER THAT YOU”RE NEVER GETTING IN THE LAB AGAIN

**Tony Stark:** Not that young just goofy guys hahahaha

**spider#better:** its ok mr stark I can tell them

**Tony Stark:** No. You cannot.

**spider#better:** im 69

**spider#better:** 8)

**maxicough:** disappointed

**sure:** proud

**Tony Stark:** relieved

**Steve Rogers:** Confused

**Bucky Barnes:** cool

**Bucky Barnes:** Now I’m cool yay

**spider#better:** Clint please explain the better thing

**Clint Barton:** This fucking stupid ass kid thinks you were using a hashtag

**Tony Stark:** Spiderman = disowned

**Steve Rogers:** # is a pound sign.

**Bucky Barnes:** Steve Rogers = Captain Obvious

**Banter:** Yikes.

**spider#better:** dead

**spider#better:** im sorry I was raised without a father how was I supposed to know

**sure:** #deaddadclub

**maxicough:** #deaddadclub

**Tony Stark:** That club is literally this entire chat.

**spider#better** renamed the Group to **daddy issues**

**Tony Stark:** Not appropriate

**James Rhodes:** But not wrong ?

**Vision:** I suppose it would depend on how you define father in my case.

**Spider#better:** ya’ll ready for this ??

**Spider#better** renamed **Vision** to **Optics**

**Spider#better:** yeet

**Optics:** This is not inaccurate I suppose.

**Tony Stark:** I got makeup on my phone screen because I face palmed you are the worst

**Clint Barton:** …. U wear makeup bro ?

**sure:** whats it to u if he does hmm??

**Clint Barton:** Chill princess I just didn’t know he does

**Tony Stark:** Only when I do press shoots and such. Gotta hide those eye bags and wrinkles.

**James Rhodes:** *try to

**Banter:** Oh hahah roasted Tony

**spider#better:** f

**maxicough:**  

**sure:** f

**Bucky Barnes:** Like fuck?

**Steve Rogers:** Bucky!!

**spider#better:** no like pay respects

**Bucky Barnes:** f = respect ?

**maxicough:** I couldn’t have said it better myself.

**Bucky Barnes:** me = correct

**Steve Rogers:**  What have you done.

**spider#better:** cracks fingers

**spider#better:** puts on hacker glasses

**spider#better:** locks bedroom door so mr stark cant stop me

**spider#better:** this is why I became a superhero

**Tony Stark:** I need to call pepper and file a patent for being concerned

**Banter:** What are you going to do?

**sure:** I don’t know what’s about to happen but I’m ready.

**spider#better** renamed **Tony Stark** to **ton-E**

**spider#better** renamed **James Rhodes** to **road-E**

**spider#better** renamed **Bucky Barnes** to **buck-E**

**spider#better:** wall-E is my favourite movie

**road-E:** I hate this

**ton-E:** I love this

**ton-E:** oh

**buck-E:** Me = gets it

**Steve Rogers:** Buck please stop

**buck-E:** Me = buck-E me ≠ buck

**ton-E:** I think it’s cute

**road-E:** I hope you’re proud of yourself spidey

**ton-E:** spid-E

**spider#better:** I have never felt more worthy of love.

**maxicough:** you good?

**spider#better:** 8)

**Clint Barton:** well now I feel left out I need a new name

**ton-E:** stfu legolas you aren’t cool enough I guess

**spider#better** renamed **Clint Barton** to **LegoLess**

**LegoLess:** I am conflicted

**buck-E:** me = likes LegoLess’s name

**road-E:** Bucky please stop

**buck-E:** me = knows the language of the youth now

**sure:** me = youth your statement = confirmed

**maxicough:** bucky you’ve never been so cool imo

**buck-E:** me = thankful

**spider#1:** I have work I need to do, can I turn this off?

**spider#better:** rude

**Banter:** Yes Nat, just click the little gear in the corner and select ‘mute chat’.

**spider#better:** betrayed by me hero

**ton-E:** I thought I was your hero?!

**spider#better:** yes and then u called me annoying 2 months 3 days 7 hours and 23 minutes ago.

**ton-E:** what are you even talking about?

**spider#better:** i was singing you my favourite owl city song and u said ‘kid you’re being annoying please just ask Friday to play it’ and then I cried myself to sleep and now mr banner is my hero but now that he betrayed me I need a new hero

**sure:** this just in: Tony Stark likes to make children cry

**ton-E:** kid….

**LegoLess:** Wow

**maxicough:** #cancelled

**buck-E:** Tony Stark = bully

**LegoLess:** wow I wonder how you’ll ever find a new hero if only you were in a group chat of literal superheros ://///

**Banter:** I’m honoured and sorry

**ton-E:** Lets talk about it, kid. I didn’t know you took it so personally I’m sorry

**buck-E:** me = your new hero

**Steve Rogers:** HAHAHAHHAHA

**road-E:** Steve where have you been??

**Steve Rogers:** I’ve been hiding but I had to reveal myself to laugh at Bucky for that stupid idea.

**buck-E:** me = hurt

**road-E:** Why were you hiding?

**spider#better:** MR AMERICA YOU DON’T HAVE A NUCKNAME YET

**Steve Rogers:** That’s why.

**spider#better** renamed **Steve Rogers** to **Americass**

**Americass:** Why must you do this to me?

**spider#better:** cause u have AMERICAS ass

**buck-E:** AHAHAHHA now whose laughing

**buck-E:** uh I mean me = laughing

**sure:** ;o he broke

**maxicough:** well it was a good run

**maxicough:** but I guess u aren’t cool after all

**buck-E:** ):

**sure:** the emoticon usage does help your case though.

**spider#better:** and that means a lot cause shuri is a liscened coolness lawer if anyone can help u its shuri

**ton-E:** Capsicle write that down you need it

**Americass:** Is it really my fault I was frozen for 70 years and haven't caught up yet?

**buck-E:** I can confirm he was not cool in the 1940s either.

**Americass:** Sorry, did anyone hear that? I didn’t hear anything.

**road-E:** Haha take that one Bucky. 

**buck-E:** What did I ever do to you??? 

**ton-E:** Oh look at that 10 sharp bedtime kid.

**LegoLess:** aw is it time for the child to go sleepy time?

**spider#better:** bold of you to assume I sleep when i go to bed

**ton-E:** You gotta sleep

**spider#better:** I AM A SPIDER BOY I DONT NEED SLEEP

**ton-E:** go to sleep

**spider#better:** ok

**spider#better:** hope ya’ll like the chat

**sure:** stop saying ya’ll

**spider#better:** y'all'd've said the same thing

**sure:** blocked

**maxicough:** blocked

**Banter:** blocked

**ton-E:** blocked

**buck-E:** you = blocked

**Optics:** I do not know how to block but if I did then I would do that in response to that atrocity.

**LegoLess:** unblocked

**road-E:** Wow really

**Americass:** I mean, it’s not technically grammatically incorrect is it?

**spider#better:** I found my new hero

**buck-E:** y'all'd've picked me as your hero if i has both arms #discrimination

**spider#better:** y'all'd've AND a hashtag i have tear in my eyes mr barnes u are my new hero sorry mr america

**Americass:** Well thank you Peter I am honoured, and I will do my absolute best to be a role model you can look up to a mentor who values your learning and growth.

**Americass:** Oh. Okay.

**buck-E:** HAHAHHHAHA

**LegoLess:** AHAHAHAHH

**ton-E:** peTE NO

**buck-E:** it’s okay im a good hero spidey we gonna wreak havoc lets GO!

**spider#better:** yay !

**ton-E:** That’s it Spiderman you’re grounded.

**spider#better:** oh shit he used my full name help me someone

**sure:** we stand together in remembrance of Mr. Peter Spiderman today after his untimely passing

**spider#better:** please make my statue taller than i am out of respect for the dead

**maxicough:** I placed an order it’ll be 6’2 is that ok?

**spider#better:** yes thx

**ton-E:** jesus christ he’s not dead

**buck-E:** its ok i’ll protect you spidey

**ton-E:** noPE

**buck-E:** is that a youth thiNG?

**spiderman#better:** no

**maxicough:** no

**ton-E:** Yes

**sure:** No

**ton-E:** Speaking of the youth…

**spider#better:** whoops look at the time i goodnight

**ton-E:** yeah that’s what I thought.

**Americass:** Very fatherly of you Tony

  
**ton-E:** blocked


	2. #captainnotmyamerica

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuri is 70 years old confirmed.

**buck-E:** I’m bored and lonely

**Americass:** I offered for you to come on my run with me.

**spider#1:** goddamnit it’s 3am go to sleep

**spider#better:** oh thank god bucky me too!! i thought everyone was asleep <3

**buck-E:** Spidey! How are you? (ignore these haters)

**spider#better:** I am just dandy thx wbu?

**buck-E:** wbu?

**spider#better:** it means what about you

**Americass:** Shouldn’t that be WBY?

**spider#better:** no?

**buck-E:** go back to running Steve the adults are talking

**Americass:** I am confused.

**spider#better:** I AM CONFUSION

**sure:** (my calling)

**sure:** America! Explain!

**Americass:** Explain what?

**buck-E:** Steve… you are not actually America.

**spider#better:** Steve Rogers. Actual physical embodiment of the United States of America.

**Americass:** Well I’m sorry, I have the closest name and who else would Shuri be speaking to.

**sure:** Pure old men

**buck-E:** don’t call spidey old thats mean

**spider#better:** mean but true sigh

**sure:** im literally older than you?!?!

**spider#better:** :o mr stark is going to murk me good

**Americass:** Shuri… are you not 16?

**spider#better:** oh god he’s actually going to kill me im going to die

**spider#better:** big rip @me

**sure:** I am so sorry oh my god

**sure:** uh no? I’m… 70?

**buck-E:** if you 70 what year were you born?

**sure:** … 1812?

**spider#1:** brb gonna kill Tony

**spider#better:** PLEASE DO NOT

**Americass:** Kid, please tell me you aren’t under 16 years old.

**spider#better:** don’t call me kid im older than u

**ton-E:** Hey kid say goodbye you’re dead meat pal

**buck-E:** I’ll protect you!!

**sure:** he protec

**ton-E:** I took care of him.

**Americass:** Tony! You cannot just turn off the wifi in his room to avoid your problems!

**ton-E:** Bye Steve

**Americass:** I’m at Starbucks nice try their wifi is protected.

**ton-E:** You’d like to think so I’m sure.

**sure:** No I’m sure.

**ton-E:** No, you’re lucky you’re the princess of Wakanda is what you are.

**ton-E:** Peter where are you hiding?

**LegoLess:** Morning everyone what’s the chitter chatter on?

**LegoLess:** Tony… that’s like… really young.

**LegoLess:** Also… under 16 + named Peter I figured out who the kid is I’ll PM you

**ton-E:** You say a damn word Clint and I’m gassing the vents.

**road-E:** Tony Stark you motherfucker you told me he was 18!!

**spider#1:** 18 is still young but under that…

**road-E:** Please tell me he’s not a minor.

**buck-E:** I went to the kitchen to get wifi

**ton-E:**....

**buck-E:** Steve might actually kill you

**ton-E:** that’s fine cause i might actually kill peter

**LegoLess:** he’s a minor how is this his fault???

**spider#1:** I have to agree with Clint. Tony. You are supposed to be the responsible adult!

**ton-E:** you think I don’t know that?! I benched the kid, I took his suit you think it stopped him?

**ton-E:** This way he’s safer. If he’s going to do it anyways at least now he has a proper suit with tracking features and protection. I let him do it, yes, but at least then I know he’s doing it! At least he has people in his corner!

**ton-E:** I tried to stop him! I wish I never pulled him into this mess but he’s old enough to be stubborn. He wants to help people with his powers and I CAN”T STOP HIM from doing that I can only support him or leave out to dry

**LegoLess:** Woah

**buck-E:** Sounds like a scrawny kid I used to know (who conveniently also got super powers)

**spider#better:** im sry mr stark ):

**ton-E:** just stop hiding kid lets chat

**spider#better:** i really am sorry but i cannot do that sorry whoops dropped my phone ttyl

**ton-E:** don’t lie to me Peter and come on we have to talk about this and figure out what we’ll do next.

**spider#better:** Spiderman can’t come to phone right please leave a message after the tone.

**spider#better:** beep

**Americass:** Tony where are you hiding?

**buck-E:** ope tony’s ass is grass

**LegoLess:** KID RUN TONY IS COMING

**buck-E:** I hear a little girl screaming in the walls?

**LegoLess:** Vents and its peter

**ton-E:** Clint you gave away my hiding place!!

**LegoLess:** it’s O K steve cant fit in the vents

**Americass:** This is unbelievable Tony.

**Americass:** And it has to be illegal! How is this not child endangerment?

**spider#better:** does it help if the child is less endangered becuz of mr stark? cuz i was in big danger when i was doing it in my pajamas

**Americass:** What?!

**ton-E:** I think we all need to have a mature discussion about this. Rhodey where are you we need the mature adult

**road-E:** Not impressed

**sure:** I

**sure:** am actually so sorry peter

**spider#1:** Clint, it’s who I said right?

**LegoLess:** yeah i owe you 10

**spider#better:** it ok shuri!! Not your fault (: they were gonna find out eventully

**Americass:** I can’t deal with this right now. We’re all meeting in the conference room today at 2pm. That includes you, ‘Spiderman’, and not you, Shuri.

**sure:** yeah i figured

**spider#better:** this is super not going to help my case but i don’t get out of school till 2:45

**Americass:** … then 4pm to meet.

**spider#better:** ok

**sure:** Aw Mr Rogers look how meek that ‘ok’ was you’re scaring him!

**Americass:** Peter I want it made very clear that I am not angry with you but with Tony.

**ton-E:** ok

**road-E:** Aw Steve look how meek that ‘ok’ was you’re scaring him!

**Americass:** Good.

**sure:** rip

**spider#better:** as much as I don’t want to be literally torn apart one limb at a time its also a big My Fault not tonies

**ton-E:** you did not just say tonies

**sure:** Isn’t that a form of Canadian currency?

**buck-E:** we do not talk about that country in the presence of Mr America.

**Optics:** Her majesty is nearly correct. A toonie is a coin in Canada that is worth 2 dollars.

**LegoLess:** why dont they jsut have a 1 dollar coin?

**Optics:** They do, it is called a loonie.

**LegoLess:** the fuck what

**Americass:** I am not going to rip a child -which you are as we now know- into pieces.

**buck-E:** but he would rip an adult into pieces ok

**spider#better:** to be fair……………………………

**spider#better:** u did kinda try to kill me in germany………………………….

**Americass:** Oh my god.

**buck-E:**  ahahahahaaaaaaaa oh no he’s actually freaking out

**buck-E:** he dropped the grilled cheese I made him

**spider#better:** ohhhhh no!! Gahhh im just trying to fix this i feel so bad

**buck-E:** dont’ feel bad spidey its not your fault!

**LegoLess:** help!!! Mayday mayday mayday

**spider#1:** What’s wrong? Do you need backup?

**LegoLess:** Yes! Its the kid its leaking!

**spider#1:** Clint you have kids you know what crying is

**spider#better:** psshhhsh im not crying wut hahahaha hey clint this is slander andd defamation ok? Oik

**ton-E:** clint where is peter please let me help him

**spider#better:** nope gotta blast

**LegoLess:** he’s in the kicthen…

**buck-E:** no he’s not Steve and I are in the kitchen and you’re not

**LegoLess:** I’m in the vents you can’t see me

**ton-E:** I’m like 6 feet away from you in the vents too i cant see him please let me comfort

**LegoLess:** look up

**ton-E:** I still don’t see him

**buck-E:** JEUS MOTjer okaaay i see him

**spider#better:** ahahaha bye

**buck-E:** that was some demon-child shit wtf

**Americass:** I don’t know what you heard while hiding in the corner of the kitchen on the ceiling but I was ranting I’m sorry and I can explain.

**ton-E:** WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY KID

**ton-E:** *the kid

**maxicough:** awwwww

**sure:** awwwwwww

**road-E:** awwww

**spider#better:** i need to talk to someone mr stark can we meet you know where

**ton-E:** absolutely kid i’ll meet you there

**buck-E:** steve did i not literally say you should always consider who could be hearing you ???

**Americass:** Yes.

**buck-E:** and did I not say that by interrupting you saying you’ll never feel comfortable trusting him to have your back?

**LegoLess:** in MY defence i didnt know he was in the kitchen until i saw him crying

**sure:** this just in: Steve Rogers likes to make children cry

**maxicough:** #cancelled

**Americass:** I do not like to make children cry dear lord, I was ranting, I didn’t realize he could hear me.

**buck-E:** you done fucked up

**maxicough:** This is a public the announcement that today I witnessed The Captain America make a child cry by being mean #captainnotmyamerica 

**buck-E:** Aahhhhh Steve hahahah

**Americass:** Wanda…

**sure:** #captainnotmyamerica

**Americass:** Please.

**buck-E:** #captainnotmyamerica

**Americass:** No Bucky please.

**spider#1:** I can’t do 4.

**spider#1:** #captainnotmyamerica

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have 69 (no joke) pages of this already typed up in my google drive I just gotta format it and post it


	3. yeah it's g

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky almost throws up

**LegoLess:** #captainnotmyamerica said I can message everything that happens in the meeting so Nat, Sam, Wanda, and Shuri can all stay up to date hahahaha hes made a mistake

**sure:** I am thankful

**maxicough:** Please be as dramatic as im sure the meeting will be

**spider#1:** Did we actually add Sam to this ever?

**sure:** … we are bad people.

**spider#1:** Well only Peter can add people so I guess he’ll just have to read back later.

**LegoLess:** shhhh okay we’re starting soon. Everyone’s hear except tony and the spider-kid.

**sure:** hear

**maxicough:** to be fair he is multitasking

**LegoLess:** aha Cap looks so guilty

**sure:** #captainnotmyamerica

**maxicough:** #captainnotmyamerica

**spider#1:** #captainnotmyamerica

**Banter:** I think I missed something

**spider#1:** …. where

**Banter:** Napping

**spider#1:** For how long??

**Banter:** big guy means big nap

**LegoLess:** Awww guys Peter is literally so cute

**LegoLess:** hes out of his suit and actually so small

**sure:** smol

**Banter:** He is a cute kid, hey?

**spider#1:** you…. Knew he was a kid?

**Banter:** Uhm yes? Did you not?

**spider#1:** We’ll talk about this later.

**LegoLess:** Anyways this is so awkward wow

**buck-E:** i am so uncomfortable help

**LegoLess:** I’m supposed to be the only one on my phone!

**buck-E:** eh steve never gets mad at me

**buck-E:** I agree the kid is adorable i am happy to be his hero

**sure:** okay we get it Peter is cute and it’s awkward what is happening??

**LegoLess:** So Steve started trying to apologize but Rhodey cut him off and said explanations first apologies 2nd

**buck-E:** Tony started to explain but he was placing the blame on himself so peter insisted on defending himself

**sure:** ah as his lawyer i am not pleased but as his friend i am

**LegoLess:** ‘I may not be an adult yet but I can bench like… well i dont know how much but like a lot so i can be a superhero too’ - Peter Parker 2k19

**maxicough:** qualified

**LegoLess:** ‘lets arm wrestle for it. If i win i get to be an aveneger if i lose then ill finisih highshool first’

**buck-E:** I think this is actually going to happen woah. Guys! Do i use my normal arm which i have a hunch the kid will beat or my metal arm which the kid probably wont beat im in a moral dilemna.

**sure:** real arm

**spider#1:** I can’t make your ethical decisions for you.

**maxicough:** please give him a chance real arm

**LegoLess:** I cannot believe they are actually settling this through arm wrsetle. Good thing banner is clueless

**Banter:** he could beat me in a heartbeat and hulk is no go anyways

**buck-E:** OH NO! Steve is making me use my metal arm after he beat steve i alreayd feel bad

**LegoLess:** Steve was so shocked when peter beat him hahaha the expression on his face made my day

**spider#1:** I am sad I missed this

**LegoLess:** Oh no hes nervous and bucky looks so sad but steve already said hell know if he lets the kid win

**LegoLess:** OH MY GDO

**LegoLess:** They’re both sweating

**sure:** Go peter!

**maxicough:**!!!

**LegoLess:** its been a solid 40 somthing seconds they’re still going

**LegoLess:** no one is breathign

**LegoLess:** I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS

**buck-E:** I have never been so surprised and impressed before

**buck-E:** oh now steve is apologising good

**LegoLess:** steve; I am incredibly sorry, Mr Parker, for making a flash judgement of your capabilities based on nothign but your age. If I’ve been able to trust you this far it would be absolutely ridiculous for me to revoke that trust based only on your age. I am still concerned that the battlefield is no place for youth but i was not much older than you when I joined the army. Blah blah boring trust stuff blah blah impressed blah blah’

**LegoLess:** Peter; ‘yeah it’s g’

**maxicough:** quick moment of appreciation for Clints frankly impressive transcription skills

**buck-E:** If i have to hear steve say ‘I truly am sorry’ sorry one mroe time im going to throw up in my mouth

**buck-E:** and if i have to see tony try to interrupt and put the blame on himself one more time ill actually throw up on the table

**spider#1:** I suppose Tony was right earlier, that so long as the kid did really choose this for himself it’s best for him to have a team.

**LegoLess:** yeah that seems pretty cleared up. I guess tony tried to get him to stop and the kid almost died to crash an airplane on a beach or somethin

**buck-E:** um what?

**spider#1:**???

**sure:** he did tell you all about getting crushed by the building? Good.

**buck-E:** what building? He just mentioned the plane crash?

**sure:** i am the worst friend in history peter is never going to tell me anything again omh

**Banter:** … i do know about the building but he made me promise not to tell anyone Shuri he really really didn’t want tony knowing

**sure:** how do delete messages???

**maxicough:** I think only the admin can on this app?

**LegoLess:** almooooosssstttt over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Sam finally gets added and Peter hides some more


	4. *puts sweat back on brow*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peters real superpower is deflection

**spider#better:** welk that sucked i hate emotion

**road-E:** wow i thought that was tony until i read the username

**ton-E:** God that was terrible I hate emotion

**ton-E:** so many missed messages is it worth reading through?

**sure:** NO super boring 

**maxicough:** shuri and me just talked about girl problems you dont want to read it

**Americass:** I truly am sorry.

**buck-E:** ew that tasted gross

**Americass:** What did?

**buck-E:** my vomit

**spider#better:** gjgjgjgjkljhhb

**Americass:** Peter, are you okay?

**spider#better:** brb gotta kms 

**spider#1:** Woah kid calm down

**Banter:** Peter I know what’s going on I’ll help you out just come to my lab

**sure:** shit

**Americass:** Just because I messed up earlier doesn’t mean I will allow swearing in this group chat.

**maxicough:** No swearing in steves good christian fortnite server pls

**Americass:** *Fortnight 

**ton-E:** I see why YOU said not to read back Shuri wow and BRUCE you didn’t think I needed to know about this?!?! And FUCK is makes so much sense

**Banter:** I’m sorry Tony but he didn’t even want to tell me and I didn’t want to betray his trust.

**ton-E:** jjfc

**ton-E:** Pete please can we talk

**spider#better:** thoguht about it but then i remembered nah

**spider#better:** well i have an appointment with repressing my memories in bed tonight so peace yall

**road-E:** Well… at least this revelation only supports your claim that bad things happen when you don’t support his spider-manning

**ton-E:** Kid i can be in queens in 3 minutes 

**spider#better:** oh yes! Okay yep my apartment definitely where i am

**spider#1:** Tony your meeting just ended he’s still here, no?

**road-E:** Aha I just watched Tony take off, pause like 10 feet in the air then land again.

**LegoLess:** So ok I feel super lost what happened??

**Banter:** I don’t think that’s for us to say.

**ton-E:** I also don’t know what happened and does no think that’s a problem???

**spider#better:** ok chill out it wasnt a big deal lol i just got hit with a rock while fighting the vulture and sure the rock was part of a building at one point but it was like a small rock

**sure:** doubt - 100

**ton-E:** I also have my doubts and YOU kid know why

**spider#better:** what ahhaha idk what ur talking about

**spider#better:** so everyone what’s your favourite foods?

**road-E:** Are you trying to change the subject?

**spider#1:** Weak, Parker. 

**buck-E:** I really like spaghetti when it has meat sauce. Or caesar salad.

**maxicough:** seizure salad

**Americass:** Bucky…

**ton-E:** you really want to have this discussion in a group chat?

**spider#better:** nno

**ton-E:** Okay then where are? 

**spider#1:** Don’t you have an all knowing AI that could tell you?

**Optics:** FRIDAY has become rather attached to Peter and will accept requests from him that do not result in any harm coming to Peter.

**spider#better:** im literally so over it hahaha it wasnt even a building it was a parking garage 

**ton-E:** it was a parking garage?! I am literally the worst mentor in the world I’m so sorry kid

**Americass:** Why are you apologizing?

**spider#better:** mr stark i will cry if u tell them and then ill tell dummy u made me cry pls pls pls shhhhhh

**buck-E:** ???

**sure:** I’m sorry Peter ):

**spider#better:** it’s okay shuri we still g

**Banter:** Tony is trying to interrogate me Peter I’m sorry I Am Soft 

**spider#1:** Did someone say interrogate?

**LegoLess:** Did someone say interrogate?

**road-E:** Cute

**Banter:** dear god please don’t involve them

**ton-E:** AVENGERS ASSEMBLE

**Americass:** You cannot say that.

**Banter:** I’m sorry Peter

**spider#better:** its ok mr banner i know nat is spooky

**LegoLess:** Um and me??

**spider#better:** I stand by what I said

**maxicough:** hah oof

**ton-E:** Please Peter I feel terrible

**Americass:** The more Tony apologises the more suspicious I get.

**spider#better:** there is literally nothign for u to say sorry for mrstark

**spider#1:** Can we add Sam?

**spider#better:** if anyone sends me his # then i will

**maxicough:** so now you know what a pound sign is/?

**spider#better** added  **Sam Wilson** to  **daddy issues**

**spider#better** renamed  **Sam Wilson** to  **Sampson**

**Sampson:** Sampson?

**spider#better:** is that not what sam is short for?

**Sampson:** Samuel. But just Sam is fine.

**spider#better** renamed  **Sam Wilson** to  **justsam**

**justsam:** …

**spider#1:** Hi, Sam.

**Americass:** Run while you still can, Sam.

**buck-E:** SAM !!!

**justsam:** What is this?

**road-E:** The kids started us a groupchat… I guess?

**spider#better:** *wipes sweat off brow*

**ton-E:** PETER 

**spider#better:** *puts sweat back on brow*

**sure:** how ???

**justsam:** I don’t even know who I’m speaking to?

**buck-E:** Hi, my name is Steve Rogers. I’ll prove it by pulling an American flag out of my ass and eating it.

**maxicough:** DEAD

**maxicough:** \+ I’m Shuri, princess of Wakanda. I’ll prove it by spilling all of Peter’s secrets in the groupchat.

**sure:** I deserved that.

**Americass:** Bucky!!

**ton-E:** Sam you’re a therapist right? Make pete open up to me

**spider#better:** hard pass

**justsam:** That’s not how that works. And who is Peter?

**Banter:** wow you’re more behind than I was.

**spider#1:** I’ll text you a recap

**road-E:** Tony, maybe you should just leave it for now? I mean what’s done is done, right?

**ton-E:** You guys don’t get it

**Americass:** Then explain.

**spider#better:** cool idea but noPE

**justsam:** I have to agree with Rhodey… if that’s who road-E is… I don’t see a pressing reason why this needs to be discussed now.

**road-E:** Yeah it’s me

**sure:** Hi me it’s dad

**maxicough:** #deaddadclub

**justsam:** I’m sorry what?

**ton-E:** Okay but what if, say…. It was having a negative impact on his day to day life?

**spider#better:** cough cough it doesnt tho cough 

**justsam:** Who is spider#better?

**spider#better:** Hi, my name is Natasha and I can prove it by breaking all your fingers while sleeping

**ton-E:** It’s Spiderman 

**road-E:** It’s Peter

**LegoLess:** it’s the spider-kid

**justsam:** Oh right okay. I got a recap form Nat and am… not going to put in my 2 cents.

**spider#better:** dope thx

**justsam:** But you can’t force people to open up…

**spider#better:** Precisely. Now it’s been a big long day I’m going to pretend I can sleep bye 

**ton-E:** THAT ^^^ is why I am worried.

**sure:** that’s just gen z humour dont worry

**maxicough:** yeah we all want to die dont sweat it

**buck-E:** Well now I KNOW I was born in the wrong generation

**Americass:** Bucky!!

**sure:** As you’re coolness lawyer, Mr Barnes, I approve. Very well done.

**ton-E:** You kids are going to give me a literal heart attack.

**road-E:** Tones you really cannot afford another one

**LegoLess:** Another one

**ton-E:** as one Peter Parker would say… 8)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Proof I'm an idiot: I only now realized you use rich text instead of html on ao3


	5. voice to text

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 140.... k?

**buck-E:** I’m bored again

**sure:** Is this how all our chat sesh’s are gonna start?

**buck-E:** The Avengers got called out for a mission and I got left behind. Completely alone.

**sure:** You don’t get to go?

**buck-E:** Nah, fury wants me benched until it wont cause bad PR ):

**spider#better:** they don’t let me go either ):

**buck-E:** cause you’re 12?

**spider#better:** i guess? Mr stark says i should stay a friendly neighbourhood spider and if i dont try to stick my nose in big league stuff then i can keep my suit.

**sure:** I mean that’s fair I guess, right?

**spider#better:** I guess

**buck-E:** I AM SO ALONE in the compound

**Optics:** That is fairly dramatic considering the only people who responded to the recent mission are Mr. Stark, Captain Rogers, and Agent Romanoff.

**spider#better:** did any of you know mr stark is actually dr stark but he thinks it makes him sound less cool so he goes by mr stark?

**buck-E:** ALONE

**Banter:** hey us Dr.s are cool too

**spider#better:** but mr stark likes to be down with the yuoth and the youth dont like education

**sure:** Says the ‘youth’ with straight A’s in his education.

**spider#better:** im literally about to fail out of school

**sure:**??? you spent like 3 hours yesterday just talking about how you only got an A on your science test and that every other test you’ve taken in that class has been A+

**spider#better:** exactly. Im a failure. Im just gonna drop out and panhandle at the compound.

**buck-E:** No one here has any money

**ton-E:** Yep, no money at all.

**spider#better:** How was the mission?

**ton-E:** It’s going good. My, oh fucking shit, helmet lets me do the, shit, voice to text, get your ass back over here, so Friday will send you messages and I can multitask.

**buck-E:** It seems to be working great

**sure:** Technology is a blessing

**spider#better:** my virgin eyes are bleeding

**sure:** exposes self

**spider#better:** im 15 not much to expose dont shame me

**Banter:** Moving on from that…

**Banter:** Tony don’t text and fight

**spider#better:** knock knock im the police and u owe me 70 for distracted fighting please dont resist

**spider#better:** i take etransfer or cash

**buck-E:** i want 70 dollars too

**spider#better:** knock knock im the police and u owe me 140 for distracted fighting please dont resist

**spider#better:** (I got u)

**buck-E:** (Thank you)

**ton-E:** 140k is a lot to ask kid that’s not like you.

**spider#better:** 140k yeah thats what i meant definitely not 140 dollars

**sure:** same

**ton-E:** Ohhhhh yeah I can give you 70 bucks kid but nothing for the fridge

**buck-E:** ouch

**Banter:** to be fair you do have magnets on it

**buck-E:** They’re stickers not magnets, magnets don’t stick to me

**spider#better:** but just so we’re clear i dont actually want $70 mr stark is was a joke

**ton-E:** I’ve noticed by now.

**sure:** Peter’s too stubborn to accept money

**spider#better:** shut your front door

**sure:** watCH yOUR proFAnity

**ton-E:** You’re lucky, whoops ok that’s fine, that cap lives in the dark, shit, ages, okay this is bad just a second, Fri put them on hold or wait no end text I mean-

**spider#better:** now who lives in the dark ages

**sure:** this is so sad alexa play despacito 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik this one was short next one is on it's way


	6. (atlantic)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mr stark please don't make me do meth

**Americass:** Hey everybody we have a training session tomorrow at noon, please RSVP your availability. 

**maxicough:** oh he doesn’t know

**Americass:** Know what?

**maxicough:** It’s actually illegal to use a group chat for anything productive it’s a toy not a tool

**road-E:** Ignore her, I will be there, thank you.

**maxicough:** Ouch rude

**LegoLess:** Who’s invited?

**Americass:** Everyone in this group chat.

**spider#better** renamed  **LegoLess** to  **Legless**

**Legless:** Excuse me

**buck-E:** I can go???

**Americass:** Yes. We, as an entire group, have never trained together and I aim to rectify that. 

**buck-E:** Even tho I’m not technically an Avenger?

**Americass:** Another thing we’re going to review and rectify.

**ton-E:** Yeah since I pointed out I’m also not technically an Avenger

**spider#better:** Slander.

**spider#1:** Ahhhhh no way that’s true, Tony.

**ton-E:** YOU should know better than anyone else that it is. 

**spider#1:** Well I thought it went without saying that I was proven very wrong.

**ton-E:** Yeah I’ve come to realise that but Fury hasn’t.

**spider#better:** didnt he die?

**Legless:** Yep super dead. Deadest dead I’ve ever tasted.

**Americass:** Sorry, Clint, what?

**spider#1:** Excuse you?

**ton-E:** I’m just not gonna ask.

**spider#better:** The deadest dead I’ve ever tasted was this time I accidentally bit my lip

**sure:** 0.o

**ton-E:** Still not asking.

**justsam:** You okay?

**Legless:** word

**spider#1:** ANYWAYS… Steve

**Americass:** Yes, anyways, technically Tony is still only a consultant to the Avengers and only Nat, Clint, Bruce, Thor, and I are on the team. Obviously, this is just a paperwork error we never got around to fixing but I am fixing it now. As of tomorrow, the new and improved Avengers team will be released to the press and we will begin proper training.

**Legless:** Training…. Gross

**buck-E:** so…

**Americass:** Yes you’re on the team Buck, just not on active duty. Which allows us to have members who aren’t necessarily cleared for the field but still on the team.

**buck-E:** Cool!

**justsam:** Considering most of your team wasn’t on the team yeah this is a good move.

**sure:** I am simply curious…

**Americass:** Your brother has all of the details but both of you are our international consultants and because of the way we are re-organizing the team structure to have active duty and otherwise members you are members of the Avengers.

**sure:** now that’s a big yay

**Banter:** That’s awesome! 

**ton-E:** I would agree.

**buck-E:** Where’s spidey at tho?

**ton-E:** Peter? I’d have thought he’d be all over the chat in excitement.

**spider#better:** oh im still here

**sure:** lurking?

**spider#better:** nah i just dont have anything to add?

**ton-E:** You not having anything say? As if

**road-E:** I thought you’d be a lot more excited!

**spider#better:** oh? Well i mean yeah this is super cool and it was stupid that mr stark wasnt an avenger before so thats really good

**Ameriass:** I can’t lie, I thought you’d be a lot more excited to find out you’re about to officially become an Avenger.

**spider#better:** wait wut that includes me???

**ton-E:** Of course it does you self deprecating little shit   


**Americass:** Yes! I can’t guarantee you’ll be cleared for the field right away but…

**Americass:** Tony. Inappropriate.

**spider#better:** I’m Literally Going To Throw Up I’m So Excited

**spider#better:** asdf’///////jsdhahj54

**sure:** welp 

**ton-E:** There we go that’s what I was expecting

**spider#better:** yeyyeeeeeeeeeeyeyeeeeyeyyeet

**spider#better:** my entire body across the ocean (atlantic)

**spider#better:** Thank you Mr. America!!

**Americass:** To make it clear, this was a decision reached primarily by Nat, Tony, and I.

**spider#better:** ya’le :’’’)

**ton-E:** No, MIT.

**spider#better:** thats like 800 years away tho

**buck-E:** If i want to go to college do I have to tell them i graduated highschool in 1935? 

**Americass:** Do you want to go to college?

**buck-E:** Nah too many old people

**spider#better:** u graduated in 1935

**buck-E:** yeah but im cool

**spider#better:** tru. I’ll go to MIT when I graduate if u go with me we can be roomies and skip classes

**ton-E:** Check yourself, kid.

**spider#better:** 8)

**buck-E:** yeah lets do it

**ton-E:** I’m their favourite alumni i can snap my fingers and you’ll never get in

**sure:** weird flex but ok

**buck-E:** i could always do online college

**spider#better:** thats what im gonna do

**road-E:** Peter you made Tony choke on his coffee

**ton-E:** You don’t have to go to college but please don’t do online.

**spider#better:** Why not?! If I go to MIT someone might tell me to do meth mr stark i dont want to do meth please dont make me do meth

**sure:** This just in: Tony Stark tries to force child to do meth

**ton-E:** jfc you’re not doing meth kik

**spider#better:** well since you brought up meth… mr america or mr bucky we have pretty similar physiologies… have either of u ever done meth?

**Americass:** Absolutely not

**buck-E:** Not yet….

**spider#better:** mr stark can I do a science experiment?

**ton-E:** NO

**spider#better:** cuz hear me out: 1)Make an observation: I have an advanced metabolism that prevents the effects of many substances (eg. Ibuprofen/prozac) 2) Ask a question: What would happen if I did meth 3)Form a hypothesis: No substances have an effect on me 4) Make a prediction based on the hypothesis: I can do meth and be a-ok 5)Test the prediction:.....

**ton-E:** I, Tony Stark, formally resign.

**Banter:** Peter, that took you 6 seconds to send

**maxicough:** Thought of this one before?

**justsam:** I…

**Americass:** Please tell me you’re joking.

**buck-E:** Well who am I to argue with science i guess

**Americass:** Wait, normal painkillers don’t work for you either, Peter?

**ton-E:** good point, Cap, kid what do you use when you get hurt?

**spider#better:** uh nothing? I tried a whole bottle once and it worked for a bit but then I threw it all up

**ton-E:** PETER

**justsam:** Why have you tried Prozac? That’s a dangerous drug, Peter, you shouldn’t be messing around with that stuff.

**maxicough:** #dadsam

**spider#better:** mr wilson why does anyone take it?

**spider#better:** MOVING ON

**spider#better:** whats everyone favourite food?

**justsam:** Sorry if I’m overstepping, but if your metabolism stopped it from working what do you take instead now?

**buck-E:** Spaghetti with meat sauce

**spider#better:** fascinating bucky tell me more

**buck-E:** Well i like spaghetti and then with meat sauce i like it even more

**spider#better:** very interesting anyone else care to weigh in?

**ton-E:** Kid….?

**justsam:** Hey it’s all good kid not my business anyways

**spider#1:** Well I’m making it my business. Peter?

**spider#better:** I personally prefer meat balls to meat sauce

**ton-E:** Pete you worry me

**buck-E:** oh yeah good point what about both?

**spider#better:** Oh no I tripped and forgot how to type ohn anihgihpasfn

**spider#better:** brbbbbb

**sure:** So… that meth thing…

**ton-E:** NO

**Americass:** No.

**Legless:** prolly not

**spider#1:** Of course not.

**Banter:** As intriguing as it may be, probably best we don’t.

**buck-E:** banner you actually think he might be able to snort meth and be fine?

**Banter:** Well hypothetically it’s plausible…

**maxicough:** You don’t snort meth lol

**Legless:** How do you know????

**maxicough:** educated guess

**buck-E:** What else can this kid do?

**ton-E:** We… don’t know.

**Banter:** Well, I mean we know some stuff.

**sure:** He’s sticky. Like to walls and stuff.

**buck-E:** Yeah i noticed that when i saw him dangling from the gaddam ceiling

**ton-E:** Underoos- brief the newbies

**spider#better:** What I can type again wow mr stark you’re a miracle doctor

**spider#better:** i can stick to stuff and also sense stuff before i happen with my spidey-sense + i have some superstrength and my balance is really good. Oh! And i heal fast, like really fast, like i was stabbed once and went though my side and only took like 3 days to heal and i broke my wrist once and i could use it again in like an hour but then i broke it again cause it wasnt toally healed and then it took a couple days and still healed kind of funny. Umm i think that’s mostly it? Did i mention my sense are hieghtened? Like everything is super loud and birght and stuff

**ton-E:** Sometimes I talk to Pepper and tell her about what a genius you are, Peter, and some days I am genuinely convinced you’re illiterate.

**Banter:** That actually hurt to read.

**Americass:** Well we did determine he’s stronger than both Bucky and I.

**Banter:** I did ask Thor to come visit sometime I’d be interested to see how they match up.

**buck-E:** What gets me is that Steve and I got bigger with the serum (Steve especially you should have seen his scrawny ass back then hahahaha) but spidey is still so little

**Americass:** Rude.

**spider#better:** rood.

**spider#better:** the bite did cure my asthma and i didnt need glasses anymore so that was cool

**spider#better:** and I got ABS 

**Optics:** Automatic Braking System?

**Legless:** rofl

**road-E:** Haha!

**spider#better:** um no abdomen muscles

**Optics:** I was making a joke.

**sure:** r/whoosh

**spider#better:** oh sorry i dont understand car stuff i dont have a dad

**road-E:** TONY ACTUALLY JUST FROWNED 

**road-E:** He looks so put out haha 

**spider#better:** O.O 

**spider#better:** but also <3

**spider#1:** Awww

**sure:** awwww   
**ton-E:** so what’s everyone favourite food?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter is a good kid, he'll only do meth if the people at MIT make him


	7. englsih

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I saw that picture of Tom Holland + his dad with Brian Regan and was inspired.

**buck-E:** Dinner is ready

**road-E:** Wow twice in a row we’re kicking off the group chat by using it properly? I’m impressed. 

**spider#better** renamed  **spider#better** to  **spidey**

**spidey:** challenge accepted.

**Legless:** What’d you make?

**buck-E:** spidey knows

**spidey:** i ? do not ?

**buck-E:** It’s my favourite food!

**spidey:** oh yum!! I wish i was there );

**buck-E:** what are you doing tonight?

**spidey:** homework );

**ton-E:** How’s it going?

**spidey:** terrible

**ton-E:** Anything I could help with?

**spider#1:** Awwwww

**road-E:** Doing good, Tony.

**spidey:** no its englsih

**Legless:** ‘no its englsih’ ‘its englsih’ englsih’

**Legless:** wow look at me so surprised it’s not going well.

**spidey:** For the record, I am perfectly capable of writing prose correctly, I simply choose not to both because it accentuates my points and because I consider it a waste of time; my performance in ‘daddy issues’ is not a direct reflection on my English mark.

**spidey:** so get wrekt .

**Americass:** Sam, what’s the best way to go about treating a 15 year old for multiple personality disorder?

**buck-E:** Proud of you Steve <3

**Legless:** Wow steve you were not boring for the first time in your life congrats

**spidey:** Peter Parker is perfectly capable of clear communication. Spiderman is a hot mss ho dont give NO frigs

**sure:** tbh i think it’s probably the other way around

**spidey:** yeh prolly

**spidey:** at school everyone was talking about spidermna becuz of the avengers annoncment thing and i wasnt thinking and i said ‘id fight him that focker needs to be knocked down a peg or 2’ and ned got it but now everyone at school is making fun of me for thinking i could take spiderman

**Americass:** Misspelling swear words don’t make them not swear words.

**ton-E:** Why… 

**ton-E:** What?

**road-E:** I’m confused, why would you say you’d fight yourself?

**Banter:** I don’t understand

**maxicough:** I get u

**sure:** old people just don’t get it

**buck-E:** Hahah nice one spidey I get it cause I’m young and cool

**Americass:** He just asked me to explain it to him and not tell you.

**spidey:** its ok at least buckies trying. 

**ton-E:** Does your english homework there not mention how plurals work?

**maxicough:** flock of meesen

**sure:** boxen of donuts

**spidey:** Yes!!! Oh tony i gotta get you to listen to brian regan hes my favourite comedian hahah p-honn-icks are workin for MEH

**spidey:** Ahahahahahhaa im putting that in my essay

**road-E:** I’m… speechless.

**ton-E:** Okay if this is what school has done to you I’m pulling you out and homeschooling you.

**Americass:** On what legal grounds?

**ton-E:** I’ll show them this chat and they’ll agree.

**spidey:** May would probably agree tbh she doesnt like midtown

**Banter:** Isn’t Midtown one of the best Science and Technology schools in the city?

**ton-E:** Yes, it is.

**spidey:** She tried to transfer me once but I wanted to stay 

**spidey:** soryy took me awhile to type that one but yeah its ok. Really good academic programs and teachers and stuff

**ton-E:** Then why would Aunt Hottie transfer you? Is it money? I can help, Peter, you know I can.

**spidey:** nah no no i have a full ride scholarship its nothing just some of the kids there

**spidey:** a lot of rich jerks who think theyre smarter than they are

**Banter:** Well, you’re gonna hate MIT.

**ton-E:** Shhh Bruce don’t tell him that.

**spidey:** im gonna go to mit and replace you as their favourite alumni 

**ton-E:** Honest to god kid, I hope you do.

**ton-E:** And I know that if you aim for that- you will.

**spidey:** thanks mr stark !!

**road-E:** Tony should I tell them?

**ton-E:** stfu

**road-E:** I’m with him right now

**ton-E:** STFU

**buck-E:** Thank you clint for being the only one to show up to eat the dinner i made 

**buck-E:** I’m glad I spent hours preparing all this food for everyone

**spidey:** spicy

**Americass:** Sorry, Bucky, I’m on my way with Nat and Sam.

**spidey:** I want your spaghetti bucky ):

**buck-E:** I’ll make it again its my favourite food

**sure:** So we’ve heard.

**spidey:** Okay I want to be serious for a moment.

**spider#1:** Actually did someone die or something?

**Banter:** You can ignore her, what is it?

**spidey:** Mr. America.

**Americass:** Yes?

**buck-E:** why mr America??? Just call him Steve. Or Mr. Rogers. Or, I guess, even, (ew) Captain America.

**spidey:** Oh right so captain america is… kind of impersonal? But steve is too disrespectiful. But Mr. Rogers is a sacred name to my generation. So… Mr America. 

**buck-E:** Why not Captain Rogers?

**spidey:** i didnt think of it

**Americass:** You can feel completely welcome to call me Steve.

**spidey:** Dope!!

**ton-E:** I’m on the edge of my seat, what were you going to say?

**spidey:** right! So- mr steve

**ton-E:** it’s a losing battle

**spidey:** i was thinking, and shoot me in the knees if im overstepping, but i was thinking a cool training idea would be like a capture the flag thing but with our suits n stuff but we could be on teams and it could be fun maybe

**Americass:** Why on earth would I shoot you in the knees? I don’t even have a gun?

**Americass:** Also, yes, that could be something we try, if other people are on board. I know most of you don’t like training all that much so if we can make it a bit more enjoyable I’m happy to do that.

**Legless:** THANK THE LORD finally something that sounds exciting!!

**spider#1:** Good idea!

**road-E:** You all complain a lot about doing training for people who do it for a living.

**spidey:** I will literally pay u to LEt me train

**Americass:** There we go! That’s the attitude we need more of around here!

**spidey:** well i can die now, my lifes goals have been fulfilled 

**ton-E:** Concerned 

**spidey:** ok ill retire

**ton-E:** Still concerned

**Americass:** Okay, then I’m disappointed in you, Peter.

**spidey:** ………

**spidey:** yep ok time to die

**buck-E:** STEVE NO!!

**ton-E:** Excuse YOU pal

**Americass:** No, I’m sorry! I just want him to stay motivated!

**spidey:** i dont know if i will ever recover from captain america telling me hes disapointed in me wow

**ton-E:** You got over it when I said that.

**spidey:** did i? Who forgot to fill me in?

**ton-E:** Peter, I am infinitely proud of you.

**spidey:** woah is this what a will to live feels like?

**spider#1:** Well that didn’t take much.

**buck-E:** I checked walmart but they don’t sell them

**Americass:** They don’t sell what?

**buck-E:** a will to live

**Americass:** Bucky!!

**maxicough:** Steve saying ‘bucky!!’ after bucky scandalises him is my aesthetic

**buck-E:** Scandalising Steve is my aesthetic

**Optics:** I would like to point out that Mr. Barnes asked me what that word meant and I directed him to a site called Urban Dictionary.

**sure:** Vision. You have made a mistake.

**spidey:** I have never been more excited and afraid before

**maxicough:** that website has saved my life many times.

**buck-E:** I am woke now.

**Americass:** Urban dictionary?

**maxicough:** It has like slang words and their definitions

**buck-E:** And that’s the tea

**sure:** Bucky you’re about to become the coolest avenger just so you know

**ton-E:** Excuse you. I’m the coolest, right Pete?

**spidey:** ………………….

**buck-E:** Come on spidey I’m your hero, right?

**ton-E:** Stfu manchurian candidate

**justsam:** Yikes 

**buck-E:** I have no idea what that means

**ton-E:** pshhh you wouldn’t... see kid, not cool.

**spidey:** But i also don’t know what that is

**road-E:** Ah the youth

**Legless:** The future generation

**spidey#1:** If this is the future of humanity we’re all fucked.

**Americass:** I’d like to point out that all of you apart from Bucky are the kids we looked at and thought the same thing.

**Legless:** Point proven, look where that has gotten us

**spidey:** U know what tho Mr. Steve, my generation doesn’t elctorcute gay people and we let women have jobs and we support people’s rights not oppose them

**sure:** Peter is the hero we need 

**ton-E:** Yeah kid!!

**buck-E:** True tho

**Americass:** Don’t jump to conclusions about what things were like back then.

**buck-E:** okay but Steve he’s not wrong 

**spidey:** I’m not jumping to conclusions im just pointing out that we’ve made a ton of progres in the last hundo years

**maxicough:** I’m just saying… american women haven't even been allowed to vote for a hundred years

**sure:** And, again in America, racial minorities didn’t have their vote secured until over 20 years after you went swimming in ice water.

**ton-E:** Bless this generation you go kiddos

**buck-E:** tbh I couldn’t be happier to get to live out the rest of my adult life in these days instead of back then

**Americass:** Okay, point proven. 

**justsam:** We aren’t criticizing you, Steve, just pointing out that as much as you miss the 30/40s things are, ultimately, better now... even if not ways you necessarily experience.

**Americass:** Absolutely, sorry I wasn’t thinking of it that way, but you’re all right.

**spidey:** I wish all old people were as good as you mr steve

**buck-E:** Yeah plus how dope is the lingo these days? 

**buck-E:** I just learned what pip pip the diddly do means

**spidey:** ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Americass:** What?

**buck-E:** it’s a term for smash/bang 

**Banter:** Hulk smash sounds a lot cooler than Hulk pip pip the diddly do

**Americass:** I don’t get it?

**sure:** “Hulk pip pip the diddly do”

**ton-E:** HAH now who’s the cool one?? I get it kiddos 

**Americass:** Can you explain, Tony?

**spidey:** idk if mr steve wants to know…

**ton-E:** Smash/bang both mean fuck like sex fuck

**Americass:** I wish I hadn’t asked.

**buck-E:** Ohhhhhhh. This website makes it pretty clear you kids have… a lot of terms for that particular action 

**buck-E:** Like, a lot.

**spidey:** innovation 

**buck-E:** At this point I can’t tell if ‘innovation’ is also code for something sexual

**spidey:** Well it’s not yet but it could be…

**ton-E:** NO. Do not ruin that word for us please. I like that word.

**justsam:** It is a good word. Rolls nicely off the tongue.

**maxicough:** \--shifty eyes--

**Americass:** Nope. We’re shutting this down now. New topic. 

**ton-E:** I actually agree with cap here…. Moving ON!

**Legless:** oh my god chill guys they’re almost adults

**ton-E:** Would you want to be in this chat right now with Lila?

**spider#1:** Tony comparing he and Peter to Clint and Lila…

**Legless:** point proven no I would not

**Banter:** cute

**buck-E:** Please come eat dinner

**buck-E:** Or pretend to eat it. I’ll even look at my phone so you can feed it to the dog if you don’t like it just pretend that you do

**buck-E:** please validate me

**sure:** MOOD

**road-E:** What dog?

**buck-E:** Steve

**Americass:** Excuse me?

**maxicough:** Masterfully constructed roast

**Americass:** I’m eating! What more do you want from me?

**buck-E:** Absolute and undivided attention.

**buck-E:** Oh what was that? Oh nothing I’m fine Steve it’s fine.

**buck-E:** I said it’s fine! Leave it alone.

**buck-E:** Gah. Men, am I right?

**buck-E:** They never listen.

**ton-E:** … what?

**Americass:** Bucky?

**sure:** u good?

**spidey:** Someone let him watch TV again, didn’t they?

**buck-E:** Soap operas have taught me so much about human behaviour I can’t just stop watching!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But actually Brian Regan is one my fave comedians he's gr8


	8. The Administrator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barnes & Noble

**buck-E:** I want to be a lawyer. 

**Americass:** Since when?

**buck-E:** I’m now accepting applications for a new best friend.

**Americass:** What did I say?!

**buck-E:** Requirements: 1) must have been born in the early 1900s 2) will actually support my career ambitions 3) reasonably handsome

**spidey:** Hi I would like to apply.

**buck-E:** ok what’s your resume?

**spidey:** more like resumayyyyy

**spidey:** im a bit young at only 70 years old BUT i make up for it by telling my grandkids they make better walls than windows

**buck-E:** Ah yes, very old thing to do indeed. Continue

**Americass:** Bucky come on, if you want to be a lawyer I’ll support you! You’ve just never shown interest in law before.

**spidey:** I think lawyers are super cool

**buck-E:** Hired. 

**buck-E:** IF

**buck-E:** you are ok with the fact that my EX bf will prolly be annoying about it

**Americass:** Fine maybe I’ll find a new best friend too.

**spider#1:** I always thought bf was boyfriend not best friend

**maxicough:** it is

**buck-E:** Bitch excuse me the fuck no you wont

**buck-E:** (its best friend fuck off)

**spidey:** woah this got spicy I rescind my application this isn’t how i wanna die

**Americass:** I was obviously kidding no need to swear!

**buck-E:** FUCK fuck FUCK fuck

**road-E:** Calm down, Bucky!

**buck-E:** What would you say if Tony said he wanted a new best friend?!

**road-E:** Good fucking riddance.

**ton-E:** rip,

**buck-E:** Whatever.

**Americass:** Bucky you’ll always be my best friend I was just making a point… you were interviewing someone for the same thing!

**buck-E:** True. Sorry Spidey, role filled.

**spidey:** cute <33\. No worries.

**spidey:** I already have a bestie anyways

**ton-E:** That Bred kid?

**Legless:** You have a friend named bread?!

**spidey:** No his name is Ned and mr stark likes to pretend he doesn’t know his name even though hes met him like 3 times

**ton-E:** hes a nerd… good kid

**spidey:** we’re both nerds tho

**ton-E:** and both good kids. 

**buck-E:** we should get a dog for the compound

**ton-E:** not a chance in hell

**road-E:** We’ve got enough birds for an aviary already

**Legless:** And enough bugs for an exterminator

**spider#1:** Uncalled for?

**spidey:** Yes I agree wholeheartedly in fact ill call one

**justsam:** Was that supposed to be a joke about Clint and I?

**road-E:** Obviously.

**ton-E:** Speaking of needing an exterminator…

**spidey:** You could just use my name

**ton-E:** Have any of you been in contact with that ant guy whatever he called himself

**spidey:** i think at this point we can always assume it’s ‘man’ or ‘woman’. If i hear one more person say ‘spider guy’...... 

**ton-E:** I, IronMan, approve this message

**Americass:** I have not spoken to Mr. Lang since.

**buck-E:** Hes doing good why?

**Americass:** How do you know?

**buck-E:** we got lunch last week

**ton-E:** cool! Cap weigh in but shouldnt we, as the avengers, reach out to him?

**buck-E:** He thinks you hate him

**ton-E:** Me?

**buck-E:** well he did break into your building

**justsam:** I thought we moved on from that?

**ton-E:** We did, I’ll shoot him an email

**spidey:** THat guy was so cool!! I cant wait to meet him!!

**ton-E:** God I forget sometimes that you were there for that mess, kid.

**spidey:** i kicked ass!! Ned thought it was so cool that i beat him using STARWARRS of everything

**Americass:** Your little friend knows you’re Spiderman?

**spidey:** yeah he found out

**ton-E:** Which will NOT happen again… right?

**spidey:** absolutely! 

**buck-E:** Okay I know what he meant but it seems like he meant it absolutely will happen again

**ton-E:** Unfortunately that does seem likely. 

**spidey:** I am SO careful

**ton-E:** Sure. 

**sure:** Yes?

**ton-E:** Someone change her name.

**spidey:** only I can do that cause i am The Administrator

**buck-E:** Enemies quake in fear at the mere mention of his name

**ton-E:** Okay then I repeat… Peter, change her name.

**spidey:** Mmmmmmm okay but i have to ask my mom first

**ton-E:** Please tell me this is leading into some kind of twisted morbid joke

**sure:** dont do it

**spidey:** sorry my mom said no

**justsam:** This entire group chat is a morbid and twisted joke

**spidey:** Idk a spponful of sugar help you medicine go down ya know. Like if we joke about and can laugh at the bads things that happened to us then it makes them easier to deal with and then we win not our issues

**buck-E:** Deep.

**buck-E:** But true, right?

**ton-E:** I’m copy and pasting that to Pepper next time she tells me off for making a bad joke about myself

**ton-E:** After I edit it to be legible.

**spidey:** i charge a royalty of 10 cents for every use

**buck-E:** Please hire me to be your lawyer!!! I need experience 

**Americass:** I’ve learnt my lesson, someone else ask.

**justsam:** Why do you want to be a lawyer suddenly?

**buck-E:** So I can make a bunch of money and have a law firm with my name cause wouldn’t ‘Barnes’ look amazing on a door?

**ton-E:** Yeah you can be name partners with Mr Noble

**buck-E:** Who is he? I can see that… Barnes & Noble law firm…

**spidey:** …….

**maxicough:** No one tell him

**ton-E:** Actually though if you want to go to law school I can help get you started.

**buck-E:** that’s the best part! I dont have to go to school ill just hack into harvard to add a fake degree or whatever and memorise enough laws to convince someone to hire me as an associate and then ill trick the name partner into adding me and then ill kill them and take over by myself

**ton-E:** … What?

**Americass:** Bucky… 

**justsam:** He watched Suits.

**buck-E:** Well yeah but that’s unrelated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE thank you to everyone commenting <3 I super appreciate it!!


	9. Parker Barnes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being a lawyer is fun until the blackmailing kicks off ://///

**spidey:** I want to be a lawyer.

**buck-E:** Okay but picture this…

**buck-E:** Parker Barnes 

**spidey:** that actually flows so dope!!

**spidey:** okay lets skip law school and start a firm

**ton-E:** Kid… you’re an illegal vigilante superhero operating outside the realms of the law 

**spidey:** yeah and if I’m a lawyer I wont even need to hire one 

**Americass:** You have to go to school to be a lawyer.

**buck-E:** Fine, then we’ll go to law school?

**ton-E:** kid if you’ve been watching Suits are you really down to screw people over just for money?

**spidey:** you dont have to be a BAD lawyer to be a good one

**ton-E:** Except that you do. My companies lawyers will do anything and everything it takes to make sure my company always wins.

**spidey:** thats mean ): you should hire better lawyers

**spidey:** like this new firm called Parker Barnes I heard they’re the best

**buck-E:** you’re a marketing genius AND lawyer I knew I picked the right partner 

**road-E:** I’ll hire you

**spidey:** whats the case??

**sure:** I would like to sue Mr Stark for harassment

**ton-E:** ????

**buck-E:** Lets start the deposition soon

**buck-E:** first, Rhodes, tell me (and I wont tell tony you said so don’t worry) how long has this been happening?

**road-E:** over 30 years I guess since I met him?

**ton-E:** WOW

**spidey:** I think we have all we need to deposate 

**ton-E:** That’s not a word

**spidey:** SHhhh you only talk when we ask questions…. Buckies going to kick this off

**buck-E:** Mr Stark, I understand you have known Colonel Rhodes for quite some time now?

**ton-E:** You can’t depose me without my lawyer present!

**sure:** what my client meant to say was that we would like to settle

**road-E:** What are you offering?

**sure:** 2 billion dollars and his company when he dies

**ton-E:** Um No?

**Legless:** This is entertaining

**spidey:** Our client just wants justice

**sure:** You should have settled while you could….. Because my client was a minor when he began harassing your client he can’t be held liable!!

**ton-E:** This is… not how this would work at all.

**buck-E:** CRAP he’s got us now…

**spidey:** No! We never give up! I’ll go blackmail Shuri brb

**buck-E:** Okay, don’t worry Mr. Rhodes, we here at Parker Barnes have this under control.

**sure:** Ahhh sorry Tony I’ve done all i can you’re off to jail

**Americass:** Well, if he’s guilty I suppose that’s all there is to it.

**ton-E:** This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever been involuntarily involved with.

**road-E:** If any of you need a lawyer I highly recommend Parker Barnes, their firm took care of my problem in record time. Very professional pair of lawyers there.

**buck-E:** High five spidey

**spidey:** when I go into school tomorrow ill tell principal morita that im dropping out to pursue my already successful career in law

**ton-E:** No you will NOT.

**spidey:** I don’t take advice from convicted criminals.

**ton-E:** I’ll tell May.

**spidey:** OUR BLACKMAILING HAS COME BACK AROUND BUCKY ABORT MISSION

**buck-E:** Shit. 

**spidey:** I knew this would happen eventually… that my past would catch up to me and threaten my law career…

**buck-E:** I thought it would be me, not you spidey… never you…

**Americass:** I have no words for what I just witnessed.

**justsam:** I’m proud of our boys, real self starters they are.

**Americass:** On an unrelated note; I would like to run the idea of making Scott Lang an official Avenger by all of you first.

**maxicough:** I need a lawyer I would like to sue Steve for using a semicolon in a groupchat

**spidey:** Gah id be perfect for this job if i weren’t being blackmailed right now!!

**ton-E:** You already know I’m down

**spider#1:** Yep, I’m still okay with it.

**Legless:** Yeah of course !!

**maxicough:** Yessssssiree

**justsam:** Yep!

**spidey:** ANOTHER BUG GUY yeh its cool by me its whateves yknow

**road-E:** Absolutely

**Banter:** Yeah definitely!

**Optics:** I agree with this decision.

**sure:** ditto ^^

**spidey:** Only if I can add him to this groupchat tho

**ton-E:** You’re gonna scare him off kid 

**spidey:** ): 

**justsam:** Nah I think he’ll dig it. And he’s got a teenager so he gets how they can be.

**Legless:** We can bond over what a pain in the ass they are to raise.

**spidey:** Not neccesary but sure

**sure:** Yeah?

**ton-E:** Please, Shuri, sure is one of my favourite words and I don’t want to be paranoid everytime I use it

**road-E:** His other favourite is ‘fine’

**sure:** (: (: (:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Finally. You know what the next chapter holds??? More like who......
> 
> Also this was the most ridiculous thing I've ever read but hey a good times a good time


	10. cue distorted avengers theme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter: Scott Lang

**spidey:** hey guys want to hear a good joke

**Americass:** Depends?

**spidey:** Hey Clint want to hear a joke?

**Legless:** Yeah

**spidey:** Your Avengers career

**sure:** Spicy!!

**spidey:** sory Clint

**Legless:** Hey spidey want to hear a joke?

**spidey:** I’m only saying yes because you did

**Legless:** knock knock

**spidey:** come in

**spider#1:** Haha yes Peter!!

**ton-E:** Peter 2 Clint 0

**Legless:** Hey Nat why do cemeteries have fences around them?

**spider#1:** Why, Clint?

**Legless:** cause people are DYING to get in ahahaha

**spider#1:** Haha.

**ton-E:** Heard it before- keep trying.

**Spidey:** want to hear a dirty joke?

**spider#1:** everyone knows this one

**Legless:** I’ll bite

**spidey:** a kid fell in a puddle

**spidey:** but wait want to hear a clean joke?

**spidey:** he took a bath with soap, a bath bomb, and bubbles

**spidey:** wait okay want to hear a dirty joke?

**spider#1:** What are you on about?

**Legless:** Yes I do

**spidey:** bubbles was the girl next door

**spider#1:** I am rolling my eyes.

**ton-E:** Weak, kid.

**spidey:** Okay then you do better

**Americass:** I would just like to make it clear I do not approve.

**buck-E:** Do you ever?

**ton-E:** I don’t always tell dad jokes

**ton-E:** But when I do, he laughs

**ton-E:** mic drop

**justsam:** Can we please stop this.

**spidey:** I’m going plagiarism that and use it at school to make friends

**ton-E:** You do whatever you’d like.

**Americass:** Peter I will text you Scott’s number so you can add him.

**spidey:** Finally!!!

**ton-E:** The poor man.

**Legless:** This is ant abuse

**spider#1:** Well I hope he enjoyed his sanity while he had it.

**Spidey** added  **Scott Lang** to  **‘daddy issues’**

**Scott Lang:** Yes, I belong in this.

**Scott Lang:** WHo alls in this bitch??

**spidey** renamed  **Scott Lang** to  **Slang**

**Slang:** is Slang slang for Scott Lang?

**Americass:** There are children in this chat, please watch your language. Remember I mentioned having a group chat for the Avengers?

**spidey:** it sure is

**buck-E:** you must complete the initiation process to be allowed to stay

**Slang:** I’m down what do I gotta do??

**Slang:** And if this is a group for the Avengers why are there kiddos??

**spidey:** no kids go ahead and swe*r

**Americass:** Some drastic oversight on our part.

**spider#1:** We lost an arm wrestle 

**buck-E:** okay you have to tell a joke that makes more of us laugh than groan or you get kicked out.

**Slang:** Okie dokie can I have time to prepare?

**ton-E:** 2 minutes

**Slang:** Thanks! Okay hang on....

**sure:** Here I thought he would have been named scott-E

**spidey:** bviosuly not?? His name is just scot- OH MY GOD

**ton-E:** That’s not a good sign.

**spidey:** okay okay okay here we go.

**spider#1:** I have a gut feeling I should take cover.

**spidey:** so if Rhodey is actually just Rhodes we can clearly take liberties with the y’s at the end of people nicknames but scott-E is too obv

**sure:** Wow shade @me I guess

**spidey:** so

**Americass:** This would be easier to understand and more professional if we just used our given names. 

**spidey:** Lets grab his made up name… aunt man. Cut the man who even puts that in their superhero names anymore (cliche) so we have ant

**Legless:** I refuse to sit here and do nothing as the kid reaches this horrific conclusion

**spidey:** ANTY?

**spidey:** Aunty???

**spidey:** a vote before I change it?

**spider#1:** Don’t.

**ton-E:** I vote a hard no.

**Americass:** Nay.

**buck-E:** Sorry spidey but nope

**sure:** you’re reaching

**Legless:** Weak.

**Slang:** What do you call an ant that always insists on being left alone?

**ton-E:** That’s the best you can do?

**Legless:** IndependANT nice try

**Optics:** When you search for ant jokes on the internet that is one of the first results.

**spidey:** AUNT-E I expected better :////

**Slang:** No? What do you call an aunt that always insists on being left alone: a shitty one

**road-E:** Chiming in to say that Tony is choking on scrambled eggs because he inhaled sharply at that.

**sure:** the sharp snort is the ultimate compliment to a joke online :o

**buck-E:** No vote necessary that was delicious

**Slang:** Thank you thank you 

**Slang:** I think I’ve mostly figured this out but who is legless?

**road-E:** Me

**road-E:** Oh did you not mean literally?

**ton-E:** DARK

**spidey:** Mr rhodes im tearing up that was beautiful

**sure:** OOOOOO

**Legless:** yikes (it’s clint)

**Slang:** and spider#1?

**spider#1:** Nat

**Slang:** Americass is captain America?

**Americass:** Unfortunately.

**Slang:** and… optics?

**spidey:** vision!

**Optics:** What the spider-child said.

**spidey:** ik i was hating on the ‘man’ in superhero names BUT offended

**spider#1:** I always liked spiderling

**ton-E:** I’m in the process of trademarking spider-kid

**spidey:** But you wont trademark spiderman??

**ton-E:** don’t need to

**Slang:** Haha there’s so much knock off spiderman stuff at the dollar store and stuff

**spidey:** yeah cause the rest of yall are trademarked!!

**ton-E:** You’re trademarked annoying

**sure:** ;o

**spider#1:** Oh Tony lay it out!!

**Legless:** OOOOH

**Slang:** Cue distorted avengers theme

**buck-E:** Ooooh spidey need some ice for that burn? Steve should have some

**Slang:** I didn’t realise this chat would be so spicy

**Americass:** No comment.

**ton-E:** We don’t have a theme??

**spidey:** ):

**spidey:** can i write us a theme??? It’ll be super good

**Legless:** How would a theme work??? What do we just bring a fckn boombbox with us to fights?

**spider:** You guys don’t let me fight anyways!! I could just be the theme player

**buck-E:** What if you sing it live for us instead?

**ton-E:** Bucky please

**spidey:** YEAH!! 

**Slang:** I’d rather sing back up than help fight if thats cool

**road-E:** Every day I feel like we slip farther and farther from reality

**spider#1:** I have never felt so out of my league before

**ton-E:** It’s because Bucky and Scott here don’t stop enabling the spider-menace!

**sure:** Hey I consider myself a primary enabler!!

**maxicough:** yeah rude

**Amerciass:** Oh welcome, Wanda.

**maxicough:** don’t welcome me to the groupchat nobody does that

**Slang:** Maxicough like maximoff hahah that’s a good one! Who came up with that

**spidey:** me = enabled

**buck-E:** Oh! Are we doing that = thing again?

**Amerciass:** NO.

**spidey:** Yes

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys I've only seen each antman movie once so I'm taking some creative liberties with Scott + his story cause I don't remember it super well please let me know if I screw something up! 
> 
> Also: this chapter is dedicated to that video of Paul Rudd and James Corden singing 'kids' songs


	11. langauge eveolved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your move, Spidey 8)

**Legless:** Nat is being mean to me

**spider#1:** Just because I don’t feel like putting up with your bullshit right now doesn’t mean I’m mean. 

**sure:** mean I’m mean

**Legless:** SEE what I mean? That was mean!

**road-E:** Well, I’ll ask it since we’re all thinking it…

**Slang:** What’s he doing to bug you??

**road-E:** What’s Clint doing?

**sure:** Swerved 

**Slang:** Oh sorry man I sent it without even looking haha

**Legless:** Who says I’m doing anything?!

**road-E:** Nat usually has the patience of a saint when it comes to you… ergo

**Slang:** You must be doing something.

**sure:** Swerved again

**road-E:** Okay I’m going to stop trying to use multiple messages to emphasize my points.

**spidey:** I’m going to give you classified and highly valuable information mr rhodey

**road-E:** ...Okay?

**Slang:** He’s going to tell you that the key to it is to type out the entire message then cut the second part, send the first part, paste and send the second part immediately after.

**spidey:** … Well.

**spidey:** Yes, that is what I was going to say.

**road-E:** Classified 

**sure:** Swerved A G A I N

**Slang:** 8)

**spider#1:**  He keeps throwing pencils at me.

**Legless:** Because you're annoying me!!

**spidey:** my

**spidey:** entire identity has been stolen

**Slang:** Sorry kiddo ya snooze ya looze

**ton-E:** Peter has met his match

**spidey:** ur on pal

**maxicough:** anticipation?

**Americass:** I don’t understand so many things.

**buck-E:** we’ll put that on your gravestone Steve

**spidey:** it’s because the langauge has eveolved.

**maxicough:** langauge eveolved

**sure:** peter you should teach a class on new english

**buck-E:** 10/10 would attend

**maxicough:** ‘10/10’ shows us you’re already doing very well

**spider#1:** I tried looking at that urban dictionary website to keep up but it’s too much for me

**Legless:** My entire text chain with Lila is just me asking her for definitions and explanations. Like I just asked her what ‘swerved’ meant and she said it means avoiding something??

**sure:** sometimes

**Legless:** That’s it? Sometimes? I still don’t understand

**spidey:** *sighs* Okay

**Slang:** The words meaning changes depending on context just like most of the English language. In this case it implies I swerved into the lane of whoever was speaking, taking their place and cutting them off

**sure:** so peter just got swerved!

**buck-E:** Haha like got served but got swerved cause we’re talking about swerving

**spidey:** D:

**spidey:** I’ve used the back space more in the last 10 minutes than the rest of life so far combined!!

**road-E:** As is evident through the level of proofreading displayed on your messages.

**spidey:** I’m going to wear a hole into my phone from erasing everything I want to say!

**maxicough:** I don’t think that’ll be a concern

**Slang:** I hope you do

**ton-E:** I find it offensive you think a starkphone can be busted that easy

**spidey:** No! Nononoo that’s not what I was implying!

**ton-E:** Hmmmm I don’t know, it kind of sounded like it.

**Slang:** Wow did you hear that, everyone? Spidey doesn’t trust Stark tech

**Slang:** Pass it along

**Legless:** Unbelievable! Wow, Nat did you hear?

**spider#1:** No I didn’t hear anything, what’s the news?

**spidey:** FAKE is what the news is!!!

**Legless:** Peter doesn’t trust Starks tech

**spider#1:** Wow I never expected that from him. Hey Bruce- you heard the news?

**Banter:** How did you know I was lurking? But no, I haven’t heard anything.

**spidey:** Slander!!

**spider#1:** Oh well Peter doesn’t trust any of Tony’s tech

**Banter:** That’s strange… I trust it. 

**spider#1:** Yep, it’s unbelievable. Make sure you pass it along.

**Banter:** Rhodey you heard the word?

**road-E:** No, what’s the word?

**Banter:** Peter hates all of Tony’s technology.

**spidey:** DEfamation

**road-E:** No way!! How ungrateful. 

**spidey:** NONONO

**road-E:** Sam, you here?

**Americass:** He is not, but he’s with me, I can pass along a message if you have one? 

**road-E:** Yeah, word on the street is that Peter actually hates Tony ://

**spidey:** gahahhatjgkjhbfjkhbjk

**Americass:** Oh my! I didn’t see this one coming. Shuri, Wanda, have you two heard?

**maxicough:** no heard wut?

**sure:** I haven’t heard anything lately, what’s the tea?

**Americass:** Peter completely despises Tony and everything he stands for!

**ton-E:** Hey spiderkid a little birdie told me you hate me???

**spidey:** Nghaghahhahgiguhd

**ton-E:** WOW he doesn’t even deny it ://

**ton-E:** Well I am heartbroken but I’ve learnt to expect this from those close to me. From those I consider family.

**spidey:** passes out

**ton-E:** No words. 

**Legless:** We’re here for you Stark.

**spider#1:** Full support from all of us.

**buck-E:** Yo kid this is fucked wanna hire me as your lawyer???

**spidey:** I would but I’m too busy trying to figure out where I went wrong

**ton-E:** Anyone want to help me design a job posting?

**ton-E:** I need a new intern

**spidey:** D’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’:

**ton-E:** My ex-protege betrayed me

**sure:** I can help, graphic design is my passion

**maxicough:** she designed my twitter banner can confirm

**spidey:** my whole life is falling apart before my eyes

**Slang:** Oh NO how on earth did that happen I wonder :/// 

**Slang:** ……...

**Slang:** Your move, Spidey 8)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters tonight to celebrate it being the weekend


	12. that wasn't at all dramatic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the blooper of tom saying ‘that’s so cool your parents let you throw this party! My parents are… dead’

**spidey:** okay crew lets go who’s gonna help me?

**buck-E:** With what?

**spidey:** shhh whisper voices we don’t want to wake the enemy

**buck-E:** sorry with what?

**sure:** so this isn’t weird for me cause my timezone is so far ahead of yours but isn’t it like 3am in new york rn?

**spidey:** keep it down your punctuation is too loud shhhh

**spidey:** and yeah 2 45 but whatever

**sure:** well im in

**buck-E:** whats the mission

**spidey:** revenge

**buck-E:** im in yes please 

**ton-E:** Go to bed ffs!

**spidey:** shhhhhhhshshhhhhshhh quiet mr stark

**ton-E:** You can’t deal with this in the moring?

**spidey:** pls shhhhhhhh no in the morning ….he…. will be awake to see our plans

**buck-E:** and if you dont quiet down hell be up now anyways

**ton-E:** I’m going back to work- but Pete I better not hear a single complaint from you tomorrow about how tired you are!!

**Slang:** I was woken up by all the capitalization and punctuation, could you please keep it down over here? 

**spidey:** \----shit-----

**Slang:** What are talking about anyways?

**sure:** Well we WERE talking about nothing important 

**sure:** thanks @Stark 

**Slang:** Ah I see. Plotting revenge, huh? Nice TRY. 

**maxicough:** I’m out here just tyrna SLEEP

**spidey:** mute your phone ???

**maxicough:** I got one of those smart watch things and it vibrates with every notification 

**sure:** take……. It off?

**maxicough:** I need it to track my sleep!

**spidey:** What sleep lol

**maxicough:** fair point

**spidey:** AH CRISIS

**ton-E:** Are you alright? I can be there in 3 minutes.

**spidey:** NO not okay!! My neighbour is asking me to babysit their baby and MAY HEARD them ask so she might make me do it !!!

**Legless:** Kid calm down you’ll be fine

**ton-E:** Jesus christ kid give me another heart attack why don’t you

**spidey:** No this is B A D

**sure:** Peter you will be fine. You can watch a child.

**maxicough:** Haha!! Have any of you heard what Peter did last time he babysat

**spidey:** pls don’t expose me

**maxicough:** sorry

**ton-E:** Please share.

**Banter:** You have to tell us now.

**Legless:** THIS is a story I need to hear

**maxicough:** Peter are you going to tell it yourself or will I?

**spidey:** Pleaseeeeee don’t

**maxicough:** so he’s babysitting this kid and the kid (who’s only like 6) says ‘my mommy and daddy are the bestest!’ and Peter (14 so not young don’t get that wrong) says ‘that’s awesome! My mommy and daddy are dead’

**maxicough:** and then the kid started crying and freaking out that his parents would die while they were out for dinner 

**ton-E:** PETER

**Legless:** That’s fucking hilarious

**Amerciass:** That was completely inappropriate, Peter, why would you tell that to a child?

**spidey:** I just froze! I’m not gonna lie to the kid but I had already started saying ‘my mom+dad…’ what was I supposed to do??

**buck-E:** Literally anything else?? Hahahaha

**sure:** on brand Peter Parker

**spidey:** well at least now you know why I can’t babysit again !! CRISIS

**Banter:** I mean at least this time it’s a baby and babies can’t usually speak.

**sure:** Usually ??

**Banter:** Yeah. I mean Tony can talk but that’s the only time I’ve seen it.

**ton-E:** Unwarranted???

**road-E:** NICE Bruce.

**spider#1:** I approve.

**ton-E:** I do not ??? Brucie why

**Banter:** Sorry?

**ton-E:** Oh yeah the question mark sounds super genuine. 

**spidey:** they can’t talk sure but I don’t want to have to touch it

**Legless:** Sorry…. Why?

**spider#1:** Hey don’t give him a hard time. I get nervous holding babies too, they’re fragile.

**spidey:** Oh I’m not worried about hurting it

**ton-E:** What the hell?

**spidey:** well it’s just… you all know where babies come from, right?

**Americass:** I think it’s fair to say yes we all do…

**sure:** Peter what are you talking about?!

**Legless:** They come from birds, yes

**Slang:** No I don’t pls explain

**buck-E:** spidey…. I think we all know

**spidey:** are you for real scott cause I can explain real quick

**ton-E:** HE HAS A KID of course he knows

**spidey:** Oh okay good. Well… it’s kind of gross, right? Like I don’t want to touch a baby after… that

**spider#1:** I have no words.

**Legless:** BAHAHAHHAAHAH

**ton-E:** Jfc

**Slang:** I mean……. Fair I guess

**buck-E:** OH boy kid you got things to learn

**sure:** I’m not sure if I should feel offended…?

**maxicough:** Peter what the hell!!

**spidey:** Ahhhhhh I knew I shouldn’t say anything I’m sorry okay please don’t be offended

**ton-E:** You should never be let anywhere near children, I agree now.

**Americass:** Weren’t you ‘created’ the same way, though, Peter?

**sure:** I can hear him screaming from here

**maxicough:** from Wakanda???

**spidey:** hey i need someone to help me skin myself alive

**ton-E:** Pete what the hell?!

**spidey:** I feel the need to vomit

**spidey:** mr steve whY would you do this to  me?

**Slang:** Well this is a weird convo

**Banter:** Peter you’re a science nerd surely reproduction of all things doesn’t get you squeamish?

**spidey:** I am going to spend my life trying to prohibit reproduction of all species in the world it’s gross

**spidey:** if we stand together we can make a change

**spidey:** be the change you want to see

**Banter:** what about scientific asexual reproduction?

**spidey:** Yeah that’s fine

**ton-E:** Sorry kid I can’t back you on this one

**spider#1:** I still just… don’t know what to say to this.

**sure:** That is a bad idea.

**buck-E:** Okay BUT think on this spidey: you’re most likely gonna live to be at least 70 but dogs only live to be like 10 so you’re going to spend at least 50 years in a world with no dogs at all.

**spidey:** some sacrifices have to be made

**ton-E:** and 45 years with NO cats at all 

**spidey:** SHIT

**spidey:** NO

**Americass:** Is it so much to ask…

**buck-E:** Ah that’s your weak spot, huh?

**spidey:** damnnit

**spidey:** well I guess we have to keep letting things reproduce 

**spidey:** );

**spidey:** I’m still not gonna touch babies

**road-E:** I think that’s the easier of the 2 solutions you presented, yes.

**Slang:** Yay!! Thanks Bucky for changing his mind

**ton-E:** Preach!!

**Legless:** That wasn’t at all dramatic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clint is wrong... it's always dramatic and sorry I can't help but make it more ridiculous with every chapter sorry


	13. /expired meme/

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> can you put cliffhangers in groupchat fics? cuz I kinda did whoops...

**buck-E:** Peter you’re a menace

**spidey:** You agreed to go it’s not my fault!

**Slang:** What happened?

**buck-E:** That was SO awkward!!

**Legless:** I believe it, what’d he do?

**spidey:** ur all so fast to gang up on me ))):

**sure:** It’s ok Peter I got your back

**sure:** (what’d he do????)

**spidey:** :/

**buck-E:** He made me take him grocery shopping.

**ton-E:** Peter…. You know I have people who do that.

**Slang:** no invite4me? ):

**spidey:** It’s different mr stark it’s way better to go shopping yourself!! Then you can see everything before you buy it

**buck-E:** NEVER again.

**road-E:** Okay explain to us people who go shopping all the time just what was so awful about it?

**spidey:** oh my goodness mr roads it was SO funny 

**buck-E:** It was not!!

**spidey:** so he gets to the checkout and the lady starts asking him questions about what he’s buying like ‘oh this looks good, have you tried it before’ and ‘i’ve never seen this bebore what is it’

**road-E:** Ah yes. The overly conversational type.

**buck-E:** Well i didn’t like it.

**spidey:** In fact he ‘didn’t like it’ so much he just said no to every question

**Slang:** ‘Oh, what is this?’ “No.’

**buck-E:** I just froze up! And it was more of an awkward laugh ‘Oh no haha’

**spidey:** ‘Hmmm I’ve never tried this brand, is it good?’

**spidey:** ‘No’

**spidey:** ‘Oh… would you like to go grab a different one?’

**spidey:** ‘Hahah no’

**ton-E:** Wowwww

**Americass:** I believe it. 

**buck-E:** Lets talk about how spidey thinks grocery shopping is fun?

**Americass:** It’s supposed to be a chore.

**spidey:** I’d rather run around the store and choose things I get to eat later than sit in the living room and stare mindlessly at some duds throwing balls at each other

**ton-E:** Do you mean sports?

**spidey:** obvs and if that counts as fun then so does shopping

**justsam:** Some people find comfort in shopping.

**Slang:** Retail therapy 8)

**spidey:** mr stark can I ask for a favour?

**ton-E:** Anything. Whaddaya need?

**spidey:** I’d like to get something copywritten with exclusive rights to me only.

**ton-E:** Uh yeah sure is it a publication of some kinds?

**spidey:** Yeah pretty much

**spidey:** Here I’ll send it right now

**Americass:** Is here really where you should be sending it?

**spidey:** 8)

**spidey:** ^^ there go i’d like to be able to sue anyone who uses it without my explicit permission

**ton-E:** Nope.

**spidey:** );

**Slang:** Nice try pal

**spidey:** I ain’t ur pal, pal.

**sure:** I am angry.

**spidey:** Whyy??? LEt me help!!

**sure:** I tried to order a shirt but they will not ship here. 

**ton-E:** Does anywhere ship to Wakanda? 

**sure:** Amazon if you prime

**sure:** jk no ))):

**spidey:** mr stark can I ask for a favour?

**ton-E:** I’ve learned to ask what you want before saying yes

**spidey:** well im thinking u have drones right? If shuri sends me the link to what she was trying to order we could prolly ship it to her?

**sure:** Peter is too pure

**ton-E:** Yeah totally cool by me.

**sure:** My heros

**Americass:** Just curious, what is it you’re trying to order?

**sure:** a tshirt

**buck-E:** Is it a… nice one?

**sure:** It has meaningful text on it. It’s a passage from a really inspirational piece of art that’s had a huge influence on me the last year. It’s really close to my heart.

**Americass:** That’s great that you’re willing to display something so personal and near to you.

**buck-E:** my bullshit sense is going off what’s the catch

**Americass:** Don’t be rude, Buck.

**spider#1:** I think he’s right. My super spy sense are going off.

**spidey:** I’m the only one here with a real extra sense and nothing smells funny

**spidey:** except buckies attitude about this

**ton-E:** Burn…?

**sure:** So much doubt in this chat! Peter I will send you the link.

**spidey:** dope 8-)

**Slang:** How’s that ‘-’ feeling?

**spidey:** ur lucky this app doesnt allow real emojis

**ton-E:** I know he’s referring to flipping you off but I would like everyone to take a moment to really appreciate that this app doesn’t allow emojis. Texting does and it’s a nightmare. 

**spidey:** not ture

**spidey: *** true

**spider#1:** Why would you bother correcting that typo… when everything you write is a typo…

**Legless:** Peter? A typo

**spidey:** SHURI 

**spidey:** oh my gOD

**spidey:** mr stark we need express shipping this shirt is super important

**ton-E:** I’m a bit offended you thought it wouldn’t be express.

**Americass:** I don’t know about anyone else but I am very curious about what the shirt is.

**Americass:** But I would never wish to infringe on your privacy of course.

**sure:** It is deeply personal but I feel comfortable sharing it with group.

**sure:** [ **https://www.amazon.com/Bee-Movie-Script-T-Shirt/dp/B01EWWG8WK** ](https://www.amazon.com/Bee-Movie-Script-T-Shirt/dp/B01EWWG8WK)

**maxicough:** Stop! That is an /expired meme/ you are under review

**sure:** you sit there and offend my religion smh

**spidey:** I’m getting a matching one

**Slang:** That’s a great movie!! I really connected with bee

**ton-E:** I can’t believe I’m enabling this

**road-E:** ^^ Tony with everything that has to do with Peter.

**spidey:** im gonna get that script tattooed

**ton-E:** I need a tylenol

**spidey:** I need 10 tylenol

**ton-E:** Nope not this convo again my heart will give out… no more than 2 tylenol till we figure out what that’s doing to your liver 

**spidey:** pulls test tube out of pocket

**spidey:** i hate everyone

**ton-E:** What??

**road-E:** I’m just going to move on from that rather than try to decipher it.

**Americass:** I get this one!!

**Americass:** I have never been so proud of myself before.

**buck-E:** Sorry steve even I dont get it and I’m super cool so you probably just have it wrong

**sure:** wtf Peter?

**spidey:** it makes perfect sense ya’ll’re just lame

**Americass:** No I definitely understand it!

**spidey:** Is… is Captain America…. My new hero?

**buck-E:** Hey check yourself kid I didn’t take you grocery shopping for nothing

**spidey:** gotta fcat check first… mr steve… hit us

**spidey:** (with what u think it means not w/your shield)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write sketch comedy (hobby not professionally haha) but I pull a lot of my ideas for this fic from those sketches (like the babysitting thing, or the grocery shopping thing).


	14. talking tunes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what it says on the tin: talking tunes. +steve actually figured it out

**Americass:** Okay so he said he pulled the test tube out of his pocket because we were leading into a conversation about running tests on him.

**Banter:** We aren’t just going to ‘test on him’ we will work WITH him to help him better understand his own powers.

**Americass:** Logistics. Having a test tube in his pocket is a reference to the saying ‘Is that a sword/gun/roll of quarters in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me’. Peter pulling out the test tube is indicating that there is indeed a test tube in his pocket, and therefore he isn't’ happy to see anyone. Why? Because he, as stated, hates everyone.

**ton-E:** How… of all people.. Did you get that one capsicle????

**Slang:** wow kid that was long winded

**sure:** ‘Roll of quarters’

**sure:** Why do I find it so hilarious that Steve watches Scrubs

**Americass:** I watch a large amount of television to help acclimate to the culture.

**maxicough:** Oh yeah cause american television is a great source for that /s

**Americass:** I have a trustworthy source on things to take seriously. I watch television so I can be privy to the references and conversations about them. That way when Sam and Bucky are arguing over Game of Thrones I can jump in even if I truly despise the series.

**ton-E:** Awww cap is trying to fit in

**buck-E:** I’m SORRRY there’s not a large selection for tv shows about knights and dragons n’shit

**spidey:** id rather bucky watch gOt than lord of the rings AGAIN

**sure:** I have never seen it but I assume you mean GoT…

**ton-E:** That’s damn right you’ve never seen it and none of you kids ever will

**spidey:** Ive seen it ??

**road-E:** AH yikes. 

**ton-E:** That is not age appropriate!! 

**spidey:** I close my eyes at the sex parts dont worry

**Americass:** The violence is very graphic.

**spidey:** I literally beat up bad guys every day i think im ok with violence lol

**ton-E:** Jesus. What would May think?

**spidey:** She’ll just be glad im not doing drugs 

**ton-E:** Yeah? Wanna test that theory?

**spidey:** mmmmmmmmmmmmmm nope

**Legless:** Anyone else read that like the ‘mmmmm drop’ part form that robot-ish beastie boys song???

**spider#1:** I am confident in speaking for the room to say NO.

**spidey:** thats how i wrote it wow clint impressive

**road-E:** Really, Parker? Tell me then. Who are the Beastie Boys?

**spidey:** The Beastie Boys were an American hip hop group from New York City formed in 1981.

**spidey:** Duh.

**Optics:** That is word for word the opening line to the wikipedia article on the Beastie Boys.

**maxicough:** Vision is worse than turn it in

**spidey:** );

**buck-E:** Speaking of music you guys ever heard of this band called Guns and Roses?

**ton-E:** Hmmm no sounds like jazz?

**spidey:** I’m not sure if one or both of them are being sarcastic… 

**Legless:** Ohhhhh yeah ohoOHOH oHHHoh yeah

**spider#1:** A weirdly good impression ^^

**buck-E:** Sorry is my favourite song

**ton-E:** Chinese democracy?! Are you KIDDING me?!

**buck-E:** This I Love is a great song about having a cat that gets out and runs away

**spidey:** Genius confirmed 

**road-E:** Peter saying something good about himself? Who is this imposter?

**spidey:** LOL I meant the lyrics website Genius not me as if

**ton-E:** Bucky listen to Don’t Damn Me it’s primo

**Legless:** Nat is only my friend cause I was able to win her over by singing along to every word of Garden of Eden (she was impressed)

**spider#1:** That is not even remotely true?

**spidey:** I tried to woo a woman’s friendship by reciting the entirety of yakkos world

**spidey:** UUUUUUnited states canada mexico panama haiti jamaica peru…..republic dominican cuba caribbean greenland el salvador TOO

**sure:** Did it work?

**spidey:** puerto rico columbia venexuala hondusras guyana and STILL 

**Americass:** What is happening.

**spidey:** guatemala bolivia THEN argentina and ecuador chile brazil

**road-E:** We believe you… you don’t gotta prove anything.

**Slang:** Plus you’re probably just copy and pasting

**spidey:** You dare accuse me- !!!

**spidey:** Just you wait till school is out

**spidey:** I’ll prove it toyu in person

**spidey:** And we’re still waiting to find out if it worked 

**Legless:** Lets have a raps we didnt write battle

**Legless:** I want to show off my GN’R skills

**Americass:** I just looked up this band and I don’t like it.

**ton-E:** You wouldn’t. You should all see the pinched look he gets everytime he walks into my workshop. Like he bit into a lemon.

**Americass:** We all have different tastes in music.

**buck-E:** I LOVE NEW MUSIC

**buck-E:** There was nothing like this growing up y’know

**sure:** There is so much music for you to explore too!

**buck-E:** Have any of you heard of Lady Gaga?

**spidey:** No never hmmmm

**sure:** HAHA Peter should I send the video?

**spidey:** Moooooving on Bucky we should have music listening sessions together. Mr stark never wants to listen to my music with me…. I can show you all my favourite bands

**buck-E:** Yeah sounds awesome!!

**ton-E:** I’d listen to your music if it wasn’t crap

**spidey:** I used to be hurt by you saying that but my heart has grown hard since

**spidey:** and I know its a front since JARVIS was playing your playlist and Car Radio came on

**ton-E:** How do you type a glaring emoticon?

**sure:** -.- or -_- 

**ton-E:** \----____----

**Slang:** My kid loves that pilots band too!

**buck-E:** You’ll have to introduce me kid

**spidey:** I will! I gotta take you to a concert too they’re MIND BLOWING these days… something awesome at msg

**sure:** Awww bonding

**ton-E:** I’d also like to add that the kid is always bashing my music taste as well

**road-E:** We’ve moved on Tones

**ton-E:** I haven’t

**maxicough:** I would like to steer this back this alleged video Shuri has.

**spidey:** And I would like to continue steering it into a 360 no scope back towards not that

**road-E:** I’m going to stop asking

**ton-E:** I’m going to start asking…. What video?

**sure:** if anyone guesses the song right then I’ll send the video

**spidey:** Shuri pls no !!

**spidey:** I trusted you with that

**sure:** No you didn’t lol I downloaded from your public musically account

**spidey:** same thing

**maxicough:** why am i not surprised he had a musically

**sure:** Peter… do you have… tiktok?

**Legless:** ONTHE CLOCK BUT THE PARTY DONT STOPPING

**spider#1:** No.

**Legless:** OHohohoOHoh

**ton-E:** You’re in an awfully musical mood, Clint.

**Legless:** Dance party day

**spidey:** are you that kind of dad that gets up at 7am on a sunday and decideds it’s a cleaning day so you throw on really weird music super super loud so that your kids will wake up paralyzed in fear… counting down the minutes until they’re forced to get up and help cleaning

**Slang:** :o I do that

**Legless:** That was very specific.

**spidey:** is it true tho

**Legless:** Yeh

**ton-E:** That sounds like a very isolated experience but I’m seeing it is not?

**road-E:** No i think it’s pretty relatable to us poor folk who grew up without maids

**ton-E:** I didn’t choose my childhood!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to everyone who's commented or left kudos i LOVE you thank you!!! Super appreciate you even if you don't leave kudos or anything cause tbh just thank you to everyone reading!!
> 
> +
> 
> Bucky spending hours a day catching up on music is a mood of mine


	15. Parker school of linguistics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ik it took me long enough

**spidey:** thank u dr banner

**spidey:** u should all thank dr banner

**ton-E:** I’m concerned.

**sure:** be concerned

**buck-E:** Thanks doc

**Americass:** You know what this is about?

**buck-E:** Nah but spidey said thank him so I did

**spidey:** I’m just confangagling some logistics hang tight

**Banter:** Peter! You promised you wouldn’t tell them I was involved!

**spidey:** Whoops? Sry im just SO grateful and yknow my ant raised me to always say pls and thx

**Slang:** I did no such thing hat sounds like terrible parenting. 

**spidey:** U stfu about my aunts parenting shes an angel and literally the perfect parent

**sure:** Peter went off. 

**Slang:** It was clearly a joke! Don’t get your onesie in a twist

**spidey:** >:(

**sure:** What were you talking about before?

**spidey** : Oh right!!

**ton-E:** Ah we almost made it out free.

**spidey** added  **Thor Odinson** from profile

**spidey** renamed  **Thor Odinson** to  **Thor**

**spidey:** just until I think of something clever

**Thor:** Hello all!!!

**Thor:** Are the Avengers all truly present through these little boxes!!

**Banter:** Thor! How ya doing pal?

**ton-E:** Ahhhh took you long enough kid 

**Slang:** I just assumed Peter didn’t think Thor was a cool Avenger

**spidey:** :OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**Thor:** Am I not impressive to you, Spider-Man?! I AM king of Asgard unless you have forgotten that!!

**spidey:** No i just didn’t have your phone number I promise Mr. Thor you are THE COOLEST

**ton-E:** Excuse you.

**spidey:** Lang over there is just pissy cause my aUnt is a better parent than he is

**Slang:** Hey screw that kid I’m a fucking great dad

**Americass:** Lets all calm down and use language that reflects well on our younger audience. 

**Thor:** And Banner!! I have been very well thank you!! 

**sure:** Hi Thor we haven’t met but I’m Shuri

**buck-E:** We also haven’t but wassup it’s ya boi Bucky

**ton-E:** Who tf let Bucky and Peter hang out

**Thor:** Greetings!! It is fantastic to meet you Shuri! And Bucky you are the friend Steven am I correct!

**buck-E:** Eh depends on the day

**Americass:** ):

**spidey:** U used an emoji ???

**Americass:** That’s how sad Bucky made me. 

**buck-E:** I am beginning to feel the weight of my words.

**Thor:** Do not worry Buchanan I will help you carry your weight!! 

**ton-E:** BAHHHAHA BUCHANAN

**road-E:** I only exist in the groupchat to tell you when Tony chokes on his food laughing

**road-E:** And that is now

**buck-E:** Pffftah if your tryna be formal at least go with James!

**road-E:** No I dibs that name

**spidey:** you can’t argue with dibs 

**sure:** dibs is legally binding ur a lawyer you should know that.

**Americass:** Buchanan hurt my feelings.

**buck-E:** That’s not all ima hurt if you call me buchanan again

**sure:** Bucky right now:  (ง'̀-'́)ง

**Thor:** I apologise for using the wrong name!! I will refer to you as Bucky if that is your preference!!

**buck-E:** Yes pelase

**sure:** Did Thor not call Bucky ‘Bucky’ earlier?

**spidey:** pelase 

**spidey:** ahhah learn 2 type noob

**ton-E:** …………….says you?

**sure:** Hah yeah no shit

**Legless:** I could hear Steve purse his lips from here and I’m deaf and in Florida rn

**sure:** sorry no shoot

**spidey:** You can’t say no shoot to a room of people paid to shoot

**spider#1:** Yes shoot

**Slang:** Just use stars instead

**Slang: ‘** Hah ye*h no shit’

**ton-E:** H*ly shit that’s genius

**buck-E:** For the record he IS pursing his lips. I’d send a pic if i knew how

**Americass:** I ask for one thing.

**Thor:** Do not worry Captain I will not use profanity around the children!!

**Thor:** That would be qu*te shitty!!

**spidey:** youre so cool 

**Slang:** Eh loosen up, the kids are gonna hear it at school

**spidey:** yeah I swear all the time at school

**Americass:** Is there an ‘emoticon’ for pursing your lips?

**ton-E:** yeah its you

**buck-E:** Roasted

**sure:** Like potatoes

**Banter:** Is Nat actually online?

**sure:** She just popped in to say ‘yes shoot’ then left I think

**ton-E:** Hawkass too

**spider#1:** Can’t you all let a gal lurk?

**spidey:** That was a prime missed ya’ll oppurunity :/

**Thor:** Please, Spider-Man, will you assist me in learning these slang words like ‘Ya’ll’ and ‘Roasted’?!!

**spidey:** 1\. Just call me Peter

**spidey:** 2\. This is the greatest moment of my entire life hell yeah I will! Ill do a class

**Thor:** Thank you Young Peter!! That is appreciated!!

**spidey:** Parker school of linguistics…… from Asgardians trying to acclimate to ancient assassins tryna fit in…. Visit Parker school linguistics

**buck-E:** Wow that wasn’t mean at all

**spidey:** sign up now for a free sarcasm detection and application courses!!

**Thor:** I would like to sign up!!

**ton-E:** always so proud of your ambitions kid

**Americass:** I’ll just read Bucky's homework while he’s asleep.

**buck-E:** Ummmmmm Creepy.

**Americass:** Well I certainly won’t be attending these ‘classes’ but I do have some catching up to do.

**spidey:** I’m offended you think i’d assign homework smh

**buck-E:** I’m gonna plant fake homework so you read it Steve and look stupid haha in your face

**Thor:** A humorous practical joke!!

**Americass:** Do you all see the harassment I go through daily?

**spidey:** Nope

**sure:** Harassment? Where?

**ton-E:** all I see is poor bucky being bullied

**buck-E:** I have more friends than you Steve hahahaha

**Americass:** Check yourself pal, I’ve got friends. 

**spider#1:** Yeah

**maxicough:** Yeah

**Legless:** No!

**Thor:** Of course I am a friend of the Captains!!!

**Slang:** Lurkers assemble!!

**Americass:** Suck it, Bucky.

**buck-E:** Gladly 

**spidey:** !!!!!!!

**Banter:** Well that escalated quickly.

**ton-E:** AHA! That’s why I back Bucky.

**Slang:** Surefire way to always win an argument.  

**sure:** And they call us children

**maxicough:** No kidding

**ton-E:** Anyone wanna place bets on how red Steve’s face is?

**Banter:** You know the adobe pdf reader icon?

**Americass:** Shut up!

**sure:** Children

**Thor:** Suck what?!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor is here! And ready to become a shit disturbing meme king. Loki is of course on his way! With so many characters there might be chapters that don't have certain characters in them sorry I'll try to keep things ultimately balanced


	16. first name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> don't question peter's methods

**buck-E:** Thor…. You up?

**Thor:** If you are asking if I am awake, then yes I am!!

**spidey:** I’m up…...side down

**spider#1:** I don’t even doubt it.

**buck-E:** Why are you still up, Nat?

**spider#1:**  Peter spelt y’all wrong last week and it’s kept me up.

**Thor:** Why are you upside down Young Peter!!

**spidey:** It’s easier to fall asleep

**buck-E:** You need to learn to compartmentalize

**justsam:** Steve I hear you thundering down the hallways go to bed.

**Thor:** You are like a bat then! We should call you Bat-Man instead of Spider-Man!!

**spider#1:** Stfu Barnes I’m an expert at compartmentalizing.

**Americass:** I needed water!

**spidey:** wut that’s ridiculous

**buck-E:** Whatever you say

**justsam:** Well do it quieter!!   
**ton-E:** There are way too many separate convos going on here yikes

**Thor:** It is a skill to translate!!

**buck-E:** No kidding. I just wanted to have a private convo with Thor.

**spider#1:** So you went onto the GROUPchat?

**buck-E:** No one is supposed to be awake

**spidey:** Dude it’s like lunchtime why wouldn’t we be up

**Thor:** You must eat your lunch at a strange time Young Peter!!

**Americass:** I’m going back to bed.

**justsam:** Yeah the whole compound can _hear_ that, Steve.

**ton-E:** It’s 2:45am ?

**spidey:** if thats true then whyre you up?

**justsam:** Why are any of us awake?

**buck-E:** Why are any of us alive?

**Thor:** What an intriguing question!!

**spidey:** preach

**ton-E:** Ain’t that the question

**spider#1:** That’s a bit… existential for my taste.

**spidey:** my theory is that knl

**ton-E:** What does ‘knl’ stand mean?

**buck-E:** It’s gotta stand for something

**justsam:** Maybe it’s the word ‘Kneel’ without vowels (since he never uses them anyways) and it represents the strength that can be found in surrender? Perhaps surrendering to life itself?

**spidey:** sry I dropped my phone while typing and it sent before i could finish typing

**spidey:** I was just gonna say my theory is that we arent

**buck-E:** Woah

**ton-E:** You won’t be if you don’t go to sleep

**spidey:** :O

**spider#1:** Bit hypocritical?

**justsam:** Wow Peter dropped his phone while using it hanging upside down from the roof who saw that coming.

**spidey:** Rude ):

**sure:** WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL

**spidey:** says u

**ton-E:** I’ve spent my whole life listening to people ask me that question I promise I don’t know

**sure:** It is almost 10am where I am I am allowed to be awake!

**Americass:** I would like to file a formal complaint.

**buck-E:** Good for you

**spidey:** about what?

**Americass:** This chat.

**justsam:** If we’re putting through complaints about this groupchat can someone tell me how to link my excel spreadsheet here?

**spidey:** a complAINT?

**Americass:** Yeah. Why does my username have to be ‘Americass’ when Thors is Thor.

**spidey:** i haven’t thought of anything yet for him

**ton-E:** Lets just change it so everyone is first name

**spidey** renamed **ton-E** to **first name**

**spidey** renamed **Americass** to **first name (1)**

**justsam:** oh god what have you done tony

**spidey** renamed **justsam** to **first name (2)**

**spidey:** my nicknames not good enough for you?!?!

**buck-E:** I love my nickname please have mercy

**first name:** I’m sorry Peter please fix this

**spidey** renamed **spider#1** to **first name (3)**

**first name (2):** I have no idea who is who.

**first name:** I don’t even know who I am anymore.

**spidey:** Are you happy yet?!?!

**first name (3):** What did I do?

**Thor:** This is very hard to decipher!!

**first name:** C’mon Pete I take it back.

**spidey:** Of course you do now

**sure:** Wow that was a power move

**first name (3):** I blame Tony.

**first name (2):** ditto

**first name:** I’m sorry!! Steve started the complaints

**first name (1):** Maybe. But it was your poor grammar that got us in this situation.

**first name (2):** ‘Lets just change it so everyone is first name’ he says

**first name:** It was simple mistake!

**first name (3):** That is costing us greatly.

**sure:** This is some kind of fresh hell

**buck-E:** This is terrible enough it might just be enough to make me go to sleep

**spidey:** I don’t like it either but I have no choice

**spidey:** I must shoulder this burden for the betterment of us all

**Thor:** You are a truly noble hero!!!

**spidey:** I try 8)

**first name:** What do I gotta do to get you to fix this?

**spidey:** buy me mcdonalds breakfast

**first name:** Done.

**spidey:** but I want it now

**first name:** Okay, sure.

**spidey:** and u have to take me to get it

**first name:** Why can’t I get it delivered?!

**first name (2):** Just say yes! Don’t argue!

**spidey:** I want quality time and fresh mcdonalds ):

**first name:** ok fine! Whatever lets go!

**sure:** 'Fresh' McDonalds 

**spidey:** yay!

**spidey:** I’ll change them all when we get back

**first name (2):** thank god

**Thor:** You’re welcome!!!

**buck-E:** Bring me back a mcmuffin pls

**first name (1):** If you wouldn’t mind bringing me one as well I would appreciate it!

**first name (2):** No you’re too loud

**spidey:** Bucky for sure we’ll see about you Mr. Steve.

**first name (3):** I’m going to bed until this is fixed.

**Thor:** What were you going to ask of me, Bucky!!

**buck-E:** Oh right lol i was gonna ask if you wanted to order mcdonalds breaky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for reading!! 
> 
> I've been thinking of writing some not-texting-format scenes from this verse... it'd be posted as a separate fic, not in this one. I'd probably just create a series so it'd be easy to find or ignore. Would anyone have any interest in reading that? Let me know (:


	17. xD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the only first name you need to remember is first name (3) is Nat

**maxicough:** this chat is dead lol

 **sure:** no kidding…. Anybody alive out there??

 **Slang:** The last messages are like 3 hours old

 **maxicough:** Ahhhh Scott it’s been so long how’s the kiddo

 **Slang:** Good ??

 **sure:** it’s been so long

 **road-E:** Tony just told me he’s not even opening his phone again until the names are fixed

 **Legless:** what happened to the names?

 **Slang:** you didn’t read back in the chat, Barton?

 **Slang:** Rookie move

 **Legless:** My time is valuable I have better things to do

 **Thor:** Clint you are meant to be playing the settlers of catan game with me please get off of your phone!! 

 **Legless:** I wouldn’t be on it if you didn’t take 8 YEARS every time it’s your turn jfc

 **Thor:** I must focus on correctly assigning all my people’s resources!!

 **Thor:** Like a GOOD king!!

 **maxicough:** yeah Clint like a GOOD king 

 **first name (3):** Yeah Clint maybe you should take his advice and learn how to be a GOOD king

 **sure:** I wish i was there I love settlers of catan ):

 **maxicough:** I’m winning

 **Slang:** wow way to leave me out whatever

 **Legless:** we invited you and you said you had better things to do you dick

 **Slang:** FINE you don’t get any cookies

 **maxicough:** You’re making cookies??!

 **Slang:** Mhmmm oatmeal raisin too

 **Legless:** Yes those are my faaaaaave

 **Slang:** Too bad you don’t get any

 **Legless:** I love you scott i only meant that as a term of endearment 

 **first name (3):** You’re so full of shit Clint haha

 **sure:** called out

 **road-E:** You’re making more cookies?

 **Slang:** Yeah it’s all I know how to make

 **road-E:** I don’t think it counts as knowing how to make them when it’s pre-made pillsbury dough

 **maxicough:** it counts. seeing as how SOME people in this house can’t even do that

 **road-E:** Wow roast tony when he’s too stubborn to even be able to defend himself, eh?

 **road-E:** I approve

 **sure:** where is peter anyways?

 **road-E:** he fell asleep while eating his mcdonalds last night

 **Legless:** Awwwww tiny spider kid

 **Thor:** That is adorable!!

 **maxicough:** for the love of god it’s been your turn for 12 minutes now Thor PLEASE do something

 **spidey:** i….. Smell…. COOKIES

 **Slang:** breakfast is served 

 **spidey** renamed **first name** to **tone**

 **spidey** renamed **first name (1)** to **‘Mericass**

 **spidey** renamed **first name (2)** to **Justsam**

 **spidey** renamed **first name (3)** to **sorry mz romanoff i dont remeber what ur name was**

 **sorry mz romanoff i dont remeber what ur name was:** I…  

 **maxicough:** well he got 1 (one) right

 **‘Mericass:** This is so much worse.

 **spidey:** sorry im still sleppy

 **tone:** Mine is close enough.

 **Justsam:** Yay I don’t have an excuse to avoid this hell hole anymore yay

 **Thor:** Ah!! It is a joy to have us all in this chat again!

 **buck-E:** I got a bone to pick with you all

 **sure:** *y’all

 **‘Mericass:** Let me guess: it’s my fault?

 **buck-E:** You’re the only one NOT at fault this time

 **‘Mericass:** Thank the lord above. 

 **tone:** all right I’ll humor you what did we do?

 **Slang:** Can I also not be at fault in exchange for cookies?

 **buck-E:** deal

 **Legless:** Wow your resolve is admirable 

 **buck-E:** why didn’t anybody tell me about the cowboy game?!?!

 **spidey:** um which one?

 **sorry mz romanoff i dont remeber what ur name was:** I don’t understand your question.

 **tone:**???

 **buck-E:** You’ve had me playing damn pacman and mario when the cowboy game exisits?? 

 **maxicough:** Oh did peter lend you rdr2?

 **Legless:** Goddamn you’re dramatic

 **sorry mz romanoff i dont remeber what ur name was:** Says you.

 **buck-E:** And you get trophies!!  
**buck-E:** Where do I have to go to pick them up?

 **sure:** any walmart will do

 **Legless:** dude we gotta game sometime 

 **buck-E:** Ok

 **Legless:** Me, you, and nat are gonna FUCK UP SOME KIDS ON BLACK OPS

 **‘Mericass:** That sounds highly unnecessary. 

 **Legless:** Nah man you should hear the crap they say about my mom

 **‘Mericass:** I don’t understand your infatuation with pretending to do things when you could just do it in real life instead.

 **spidey:** You’re right Mr. Steve I’ll be right back just gonna go time travel back to 1899, become a feared cowboy and go on some adventures with my gang ttyl

 **tone:** No one gave him Strange’s number, right?

 **buck-E:** Awwww stevey you’re such an old man

 **sorry mz romanoff i dont remeber what ur name was:** I can kick both of your asses at any game.

 **Legless:** True

 **Legless:** Anyone else in?

 **Justsam:** I refuse to game with Bucky even in the building anymore. 

 **buck-E:** HAHAHA I forgot about that

 **‘Mericass:** You gotta admit Sam that was funny.

 **sure:** Wait I didn’t hear about this one what happened??

 **Justsam:** I don’t want to talk about it.

 **sorry mz romanoff i dont remeber what ur name was:** I’ll explain.

 **sorry mz romanoff i dont remeber what ur name was:** We were having a mario cart championship and Tony is “extra” so of course we all had the steering wheel attachments for it. Sam was about to win when Bucky jumped onto the back of the couch, reached down and yanked the steering wheel right out of his hands.

 **buck-E:** it was GOLD.

 **sure:** Oh haha that does sound funny

 **‘Mericass:** No no it’s the context that makes it so funny.

 **buck-E:** While I was all... well y’know… Nat explain

 **sorry mz romanoff i dont remeber what ur name was:** He was after Steve, Sam, and I and Sam was driving when Bucky landed on top of our car, reached through the roof of the car, grabbed the steering wheel, and just yanked it out. Despite it being a life death situation the LOOK on his face was hilarious.

 **Justsam:** And doing it again and making me lose the game was NOT FUNNNY.

 **spidey:** (it was)

 **sure:** Hah!!

 **sure:** I’d send a bunch of laughing crying faces if this app had emojis

 **buck-E:** Wouldn’t that be xD

 **maxicough:** TAKE COVER  
**spidey:** He used…. The forbidden emoticon

 **sure:** :o

 **tone:** I’m a genius and I still can’t keep up with you kids

 **buck-E:** im not a genius and i cant either ;/

 **‘Mericass:** Bucky, when did you also completely abandon proper writing?

 **buck-E:** I don’t remember but I think it was around chapter 15?

 **road-E:** ‘Chapter’?

 **spidey:** eveyrdau is just anothet chapter in the shitty fanfiction that is your life.

 **maxicough:** speak for yourself i write amazing fanfiction

 **sure:** pls share

 **‘Mericass:** What’s fanfiction?

 **tone:** shifty eyes

 **spidey:** when i was 11 i handwrote a 120 page fanfiction about ironman being my friend

 **spidey:** i mean what

 **tone:** my heart has exploded in the good way

 **maxicough:** it’s like a story about a character you didnt make up, Steve.

 **buck-E:** I understand I think

 **road-E:** Tony is crying little happy tears

 **tone:** I’m alone in my workshop?

 **road-E:** Yeh it was an educated guess

 **sure:** Wanda what was your fanfiction on?

 **maxicough:** Pfffft more like what IS it on 

 **‘Mericass:** Ah, I see.

 **Thor:** Like a prophecy!!

 **sure:** I’m choking at the idea of all the fanfiction becoming reality. 

 **spidey:** I’d be in so many relationships….

 **tone:** Pepper thought it would be funny to send me some of mine and I hope to god they aren’t prophecies. 

 **spidey:** MJ was the one to clue me in that half m school writes them about me but not me me but spiderman me + Ned wrote one once b4 he knew it was me haha and mj found it but it was just about spiderman being a student as his school secretley which is super funny becuas he was or well i am

 **buck-E:** I wrote a fanfiction:

 **buck-E:** Once upon a time there was a super soldier named Steven Grant Rogers and he was like SO old but he had one (1) best friend named Bucky and he always hanged out with him and liked Bucky more than Sam. Steven Grant Rogers was also Captain America but his number 1 priority was being super nice to Bucky and still nice to Sam but not as nice cause Bucky was still his favorite. Also Steven Grant ROgers never ever bugged Bucky about stupid stuff like taking care of himself or anything.

 **buck-E:** The end.

 **buck-E:** Did you like it?

 **sure:** Kudos

 **maxicough: “** You have already left kudos here. :)”

 **road-E:** Uh nice man

 **‘Mericass:** …

 **spidey:** beiatuful

 **tone:** I just texted May and she said she saved your little story Pete and she’s going to give it to me.

 **spidey:** Not if I burn down our apartment first brb

 **Slang:** I may have jumped in the game 6 points behind everyone but guess who won Settlers of Catan?

 **Slang:** 8)

 **Slang:** Not me.

 **Legless:** I was the only one not on my phone so I'm not even proud of having won.

 **maxicough:** It wasn't even a real victory you just had longest road and largest army.

 **Thor:** Even though I have the largest army!!

 **maxicough:** Real armies don't count.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry some of the line breaks got weird in this one I can't figure out how to fix it tho
> 
> I started writing a very very angsty hurt!peter multi-chap fic so I had to come write another chapter of this for some bonding and good times


	18. mr stakr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not really any RDR2 soilers, you'll just be confused for like 3 lines if you haven't played it but if you're really really worried about it just skip this chapter it's a groupchat fic u aren't gonna miss anything

**spidey:** Sigh

**sure:** syhe

**maxicough:** sie

**spidey:** bill syhe the science sie 

**sure:** sigh

**maxicough:** *sighs* 

**spidey:** what sly sigh

**sure:** say sly sigh sure

**spidey:** sigh.

**buck-E:** I don’t want to interrupt whatever…. This is… but im selling a ps4 available immediately

**tone:** You can’t sell MY ps4

**spidey:** in all fairness mr stakr you have like 12

**maxicough:** This is quite the change of heart, why?

**buck-E:** That stupid cowboy game was stupid gaming is stupid

**‘Mericass:** Wow, Bucky, tell us how you really feel. 

**buck-E:** I will! That stupid cowboy game is stupid

**spidey:** I really liked it

**buck-E:** I did not live to be over 100 years old to deal with this shit !!

**maxicough:** I have made too many jokes about this subject to feel comfortable here right now

**spidey:** but Bucky… DUTCH HAD A PLAN

**buck-E:** Now I’ve gotta goddamn plan to bust his ass black lung and all

**‘Mericass:** I thought we cured that?

**buck-E:** screw you screw that stupid cowboy game and screw goddamned tahitit

**tone:** I’m super lost right now but I love Tahiti. I own a resort there if any of you ever want to go

**buck-E:** Can we pick mangos?

**tone:** I guess?

**buck-E:** D’’’’x

**buck-E:** So many tears

**‘Mericass:** I’ve been dealing with this all day

**‘Mericass:** He’s been talking like a western film all day.

**buck-E:** ‘Scuse you misssster

**spidey:** This was the best possible result

**Justsam:** Yeah he has and it’s obnoxious as shit

**buck-E:** Tony can I have a horse?

**tone:** Okay

**buck-E:** And a gun

**tone:** Sure

**sure:** present

**buck-E:** And a cowboy hat/?

**‘Mericass:** Cutting this short now, no.

**tone:** Yeah 

**buck-E:** Steve you never support me when I wanta do stuff

**spidey:** The avengers is still a cool name for a cowboy.gang!!

**maxicough:** Peter you would be the WORST cowboy.

**tone:** sorry kid I gotta agree

**spidey:** WOW ok i c how itis 

**buck-E:** He’d be good for when he have to go undercover as city slickers

**maxicough:** He does scream ‘city kid’ 

**spidey:** I do not!

**buck-E:** i think i’d be a slicker but maybe not like city but definitely slicker

**Justsam:** ???

**tone:** Riiiiiight totally not

**Thor:** I would like to be a cowboy in this gang!! I do believe I would fare well!!

**buck-E:** Oh yeah you’d be great

**spidey:** omg how did I not think of this

**spidey:** any of yall play the new god of war games?

**tone:** No.

**sure:** Peter you’re pretty much the only one here who games

**spidey:** Thor…. What if I told you…. There’s a video game with you in it…

**Thor:** I would be most excited! And demand to play it!

**Slang:** Peter that is the greatest idea you’ve ever had. 

**Slang:** Thor you’ll love Artreauios.

**‘Mericass:** I’m incredibly suspicious.

**tone:** Never a good sign when Scott and Peter agree on something.

**Thor:** I look forward to playing this game!!

**sure:** I feel left out peter message me and fill me in

**maxicough:** me 2

**spidey:** yeah I’ll message the groupchat

**spidey:** not this one

**spidey:** hope no one got confused there hahahaha

**tone:** How many groupchats are you in?

**spidey:** i have literally no idea. At least 50. 

**‘Mericass:** I can’t even keep up with one.

**spidey:** its a young person thing

**buck-E:** Yeah Steve you wouldn’t get it.

**‘Mericass:** Bucky please stop hurting me.

**Slang:** Hey Peter I needed to run something by you

**spidey:** ……………. Yez?

**Slang:** In light a recent… obligation.... Truce?

**spidey:** im narrowing my eyes in suspisciously 

**sure:** Elaborate?

**Slang:** For our mission

**Slang:** In Nevada

**spidey:** OH!

**maxicough:** THE mission in Nevada?

**Slang:** Yep

**tone:** What mission in Nevada?!

**spidey:** Yeah truce is on we must focus only on what needs to be done not on our petty squabbles

**‘Mericass:** There is no mission in Nevada.

**buck-E:** Is this the one you invited me on spideyt?

**spidey:** yessireebob

**tone:** What mission in Nevada?

**buck-E:** Can we carpool?

**maxicough:** Yeah I’ll drive!

**spidey:** I’ll bring snacks

**buck-E:** Do we need our suits and stuff

**spidey:** Def

**maxicough:** I think so security’ll probably be tight

**tone:** What mission in Nevada?

**Slang:** I can help drive

**Slang:** Actually I got a van we can take my van

**maxicough:** dope sounds good to me

**tone:** What mission in Nevada?

**‘Mericass:** There is no mission in Nevada! The children are just being ridiculous.

**spidey:** excuse im pretty mich adult

**buck-E:** Ah im not im so young

**tone:** Peter, what mission in Nevada?

**spidey:** ur getting a little repetitive there mr stark haha but THE mission

**tone:** What mission?!

**sure:** They’re gonna raid area 51

**road-E:** Like hell they are.

**tone:** Hah well this is awkward

**spidey:** Not just us!! Like 1.5 mil people 

**buck-E:** Its a young people thing

**maxicough:** were gonna go meeet some ALIENS

**maxicough:** cue katy perry ET featuring kanye west

**‘Mericass:** I’ve had enough of aliens please and thank you.

**Thor:** CHildren!! I am an alien you may just meet me no raiding necessary!!

**road-E:** So. Tony. What do you think of this?

**tone:** nothing I think nothing at all of this.

**tone:** Also. Peter. You’re not going.

**spidey:** why not

**tone:** It’s not safe

**spidey:** They can’t stop us all!

**buck-E:** They can’t stop us all

**maxicough:** they can’t stop all of us

**tone:** Oh my god yes they can

**spidey:** How do you knwo!??!

**spidey:** I wanna go

**tone:** no

**buck-E:** I’ll keep an eye on him!

**‘Mericass:** You’re not going either, Bucky.

**buck-E:** ):

**buck-E:** Hey Wanda sorry Peter and I can’t go anymore our dads are being lame

**Slang:** ): I can babysit

**Thor:** Allow me to escort them!! I would like to visit this area of aliens!!

**tone:** NO

**buck-E:** Steve look away

**buck-E:** Hey spidey don’t tell ur dad but we should sneak out and go anyways but tell them we’re going to bible study

**tone:** Jesus fucking chris

**road-E:** Who’s Chris?

**buck-E:** HAHAHAHAAHHH

**‘Mericass:** Why are you breaking into area 51?

**spidey:** to see the aliens

**maxicough:** to free the aliens

**buck-E:** To pip pip the diddly do the aliens

**Slang:** All of the above?

**tone:** There are more aliens in the goddamn compound than in area 51!

**‘Mericass:** Bucky please.

**spidey:** *puts on detective shoes* mr stakr how do u kno the number of aliens in area 51??

**tone:** I definitely don’t own it

**buck-E:** OH my god guys I think he does

**tone:** In case pepper ever sees this chat……. I dont

**spidey:** mr stark pls join us in the raid

**tone:** No.

**spidey:** PLs

**tone:** We’ll see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so unbelievably excited for Falcon & Winter Soldier gaaaaaaaah


	19. tyrannasuares rex footsteps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quick glance at my dashboard tells you twenty one pilots was gonna be mentioned at least once in this fic but don't worry pitbull saved the day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for more swearing than usual in this chapter but you can expect that from here on out poor steve is picking his battles (for now :P)

**Justsam:** Where’s the little spider-pain?

**sorry mz romanoff i dont remeber what ur name was:** I’ll assume you mean Peter?

**Justsam:** Jesus I forgot about that username

**buck-E:** Hey spidey ignore sam hes just being a bitch

**Justsam:** tf you callin me??

**buck-E:** tf you callin spidey more like

**sure:** Natasha pass the popcorn?

**sorry mz romanoff i dont remeber what ur name was:** You got it 

**Justsam:** I’m done with you Barnes I’m only pissed cause I didn’t get to sleep last night!

**buck-E:** Have you tried going to sleep?

**Justsam:** Yeah smartass I did and then YOU started fucking playing that emo music the kid’s got you hooked on

**maxicough:** I just picture sam as the lady in that video with the cookie sheets banging them together

**sure:** I DIDN”T GET NO SLEEP CAUSE OF YALL

**buck-E:** I’m sorry for EXPRESSING myself

**Justsam:** I thought the goddamn devil was choking on a hot pepper when you started singing along

**sorry mz romanoff i dont remeber what ur name was:** Come on boys lets act like adults

**Justsam:** I will if bucky stops listening to  music for angsty 12 year olds 

**buck-E:** ):

**spidey:** hey ya’ll checking in with the remix to say hi you’re welcome and what song was it?

**Justsam:** fuck if i know

**buck-E:** It was that one you showed me last week

**spidey:** … which one?

**‘Mericass:** I can confirm no one on our floor slept last night. I was woken up by Bucky screaming ‘Don’t let me be’, a very loud crash, and then the most disturbing groaning I’ve ever heard out of him.

**buck-E:** That goner one

**‘Mericass:** He texted me ‘Omg steve im a kitchen sink :o’ this morning.

**spidey:** Ayyyy bucky my man 8)

**sure:** Iconic

**maxicough:** ‘music for angsty 12 year olds’ ur mean Sam 

**Justsam:** I feel attacked… I’m supposed to be the victim here!

**‘Mericass:** Hey I didn’t get any sleep either.

**Justsam:** Yeah but you deserve it cause you’re always waking us all up with your tyrannasuares rex footsteps

**spidey:** why didn’t you just say t-rex

**Justsam:** You don’t get to talk anymore you caused this

**buck-E:** Steve you never support anything I wanna do

**‘Mericass:** Please just wait until morning to start playing music about death and cheetahs.

**sure:** Steve Rogers… so demanding

**maxicough:** He asks so much

**Slang:** Can we have an avengers karaoke night?

**spidey:** I love kareoke

**spidey: *** carryokie

**sure:** Someone must take videos of it for me

**‘Mericass:** I suppose that could be fun.

**tone:** Did someone say…. KARAOKE

**tone:** I say kara-OKAY lets do it

**Thor:** Someone explain this game!!

**Slang:** you take your favourite songs and you sing it instead of the original artist its more fun than it sounds

**Thor:** It sounds fun!! Lets do it!!

**buck-E:** Karaoke = yes

**Justsam:** Not one of you stands a chance 

**tone:** Cute.

**Slang:** It’s not supposed to be a competition…

**tone:** It is.

**Justsam:** Too bad it is

**sorry mz romanoff i dont remeber what ur name was:** I’m surprised Clint hasn’t chimed in

**spidey** renamed **sorry mz romanoff i dont remeber what ur name was** to **smridrwunw**

**smridrwunw:** What is this

**spidey:** It stands for sorry mz romanoff i dont remeber what ur name was

**spidey:** because i dont remember what ur name was 

**spidey:** and I’m sorry

**smridrwunw:** Please just make it Nat or something

**tone:** oh you messed up

**spidey** renamed **smridrwunw** to **Nat or something**

**Nat or something:** I walked into that

**buck-E:** Like a drunk guy into a glass door

**Thor:** I have done that many times both while intoxicated and not!

**spidey:** Thor you need a nickname alright lets brainstorm so first what do we know about Thor

**sure:** Cool dude

**buck-E:** Almost as cool as me

**Optics:** Well he is the God of Thunder.

**maxicough:** oh my god vision where u been my homie  

**spidey:** thUNder 

**sure:** PETER!

**spidey:** thats my name feel free to wear it out

**sure:** have you seen this video?

**sure:** [ **https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SO5Lo-k7KU** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SO5Lo-k7KU)

**Legless:** risky click

**tone:** I made it 9 seconds before closing the tab that’s a record for a video from Shuri

**spidey:** shuri pls marry me this is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen

**spidey** renamed **Thor** to **thUNder**

**‘Mericass:** I don’t understand the video.

**buck-E:** This is the first time I’ll admit neither do I

**thUNder:** I appreciate the hilarious moniker young Peter!!

**Slang:** Ahahahaa I’ve seen that video I like the speed up one’s more though

**spidey:** Avengers but everytime Steve purses his lips in dissapointment it gets faster

**maxicough:** Avengers but everytime Tony rolls his eyes it gets faster

**buck-E:** Avengers but everytime Bucky pretends to fit in while really having no idea what’s going on it gets faster.

**Justsam:** Wow it’s so fast now.

**buck-E:** 8)

**Justsam:** This must be what time travel feels like

**spidey:** time travel would be so cool why dont we have any time travel superheroes on the avengers??

**Banter:** Because it’s not possible (yet)?

**Nat or something:** Maybe we do, Peter, and you just don’t know it yet.

**Slang:** Hey guys I’m definitely the closest to figuring out time travel

**tone:** If I wanted to I could figure it out

**road-E:** Right.

**Legless:** That’s like me saying I could be 6’4 if I wanted to like ok sure but not really

**road-E:** Clint pops in just to roast Tony nice

**spidey:** ok guys real talk

**spidey:** If I Could Turn Back Time or Back In Time

**tone:** stupid question

**sure:** The pitbull one

**tone:** Which pitbull one?

**maxicough:** Back in time obvs

**road-E:** Does the name Huey Lewis and the News mean nothing to you heathens?

**buck-E:** Alll my friends are heathen do some blow

**Justsam:** I quit 

**maxicough:** Let’s

**sure:** excuse me baby

**maxicough:** Go

**sure:** yeah you baby

**maxicough:** Back

**tone:** What is happening

**sure:** ooh you groovy baby

**maxicough:** In

**road-E:** Who knows man

**sure:** lets make a movie baby

**maxicough:** Time

**sure:** excuse me baby

**tone:** didn’t you two say this part already?

**maxicough:** Let’s 

**sure:** yeah you baby

**maxicough:** Go

**‘Mericass:** I am impressed by how fast they are sending this.

**sure:** ooh you groovy baby

**maxicough:** Back in

**tone:** should we just let them finish?

**sure:** lets make a movie baby

**maxicough:** TIME

**spidey:** ITS MR WORLDWIDE AGENT A

**Justsam:** It’s been 6 minutes… you think we’re safe?

**Slang:** REPORTING LIVE

**Justsam:** Shit

**tone:** damn Scott was fast on that

**spidey:** He took his job v serious

**Slang:** I had one line I wasn’t about to drop the ball on that

**buck-E:** I feel like if I shaved my head and grew a soul patch I would look a lot like Pitbull

**spidey:** nightmare fuel

**‘Mericass:** I don’t even wanna know

**Justsam:** AHAHAHA please do it

**Nat or something:** Only one way to find out…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> picture this..... a biopic about pitbull starring sebastian stan i think yes 
> 
>  
> 
> /s


	20. love meme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> did i update the tags hmmmmmmmm

**spidey:** Oh my god.

**thUNder:** Yes?!!

**spidey:** I am in so much shock right now I can’t even appreciate that.

**spidey:** I need a minute.

**Justsam:** 10 bucks says he figured out something completely mundane and is being really dramatic about it because he wants to re-ignite this chat but doesn’t want to admit he’s looking for an excuse to talk to us ‘cause he really likes us but doesn’t want to seem too clingy since he always overthinks little things like that.

**Justsam:** Don’t sweat it little guy what’s up with you today?

**tone:** Jesus christ… don’t get on Sam’s bad side- noted.

**Justsam:** I’m just perceptive. 

**spidey:** 1nd of all, lets chill out here okay? Okay 

**spidey:** 2st this is serious i can’t even believe what i just saw this is some real shit

**tone:** Good or bad real shit?

**spidey:** so good i have tears in my eyes although i never thought id have to give the shovel talk to captain america wow

**Justsam:** PARDON?

**tone:** There are some serious implications there kid wtf did you see?

**Banter:** Oh you know too, now, Peter?

**tone:** Why does Bruce always know everything before we do?!

**buck-E:** Wait if spideys giving Steve the shovel talk that must mean he knows the other party

**Nat or something:** I’m about to either win or lose a significant amount of money, break the news Peter. 

**Legless:** I’m ready to cash in the $$$ hit us with it

**buck-E:** Y’all out here betting on my love life?!

**Legless:** We bet on literally everything don’t be flattered

**tone:** hold the goddamn phone

**tone:** Who said anything about you, Bucky??

**buck-E:** Ahaha sorry guys I was hacked what’d I miss

**spidey:** Hey guys what are you supposed to do when you find out your honourary big brother is gonna marry and have babies with captain america?

**buck-E:** You literally saw him peck my cheek who said anything about marriage and babies?!

**spidey:** I’m not babysitting i just wanna get that out now

**‘Mericass:** Are you saying you don’t want to me marry me and have babies? ):

**Justsam:** Aw shit guys way to make me a third wheel 

**tone:** There is so much to take in here wow I need a moment to process 

**Legless:** I didnt know steve even knew how to use emojis

**buck-E:** Uhhhhhh we can’t make babies stevie

**spidey:** Just buy one

**tone:** Well I’ve failed as a father

**tone:**  figure

**spidey:** ADOPT

**spidey:** I meant adopt a baby 

**thUNder:** Congratulations to both of you for your joining of personhood and on your future child!!

**buck-E:** We aren’t buying a kid, Thor!

**‘Mericass:** Yeah, it’s called adopting.

**buck-E:** We aren’t doing that either??

**'Mericass:**  Can we adopt... a dog?

**buck-E:** Put a ring on it first, cowboy

**tone:** This is moving too fast, everytime I have something typed up the convos already moved on

**spidey:** yeah you have a kid already

**buck-E:** Awwwww spidey

**spidey:** It’s Sam, Sam is your child

**Justsam:** As fucking IF bucky is the biggest baby here 

**buck-E:** ):

**Nat or something:** Tony, we just sit back and watch till it slows down. 

**‘Mericass:** You’re both children.

**Legless:** SHOTS fired.

**thUNder:** I am well over 1000 years old so you are all but children!!

**tone:** Well I can’t argue that one

**Banter:** Congrats you two, it’s nice you can finally stop hiding it

**tone:** Exactly how long has this been a thing?

**buck-E:** Sorry I can’t math who knows

**‘Mericass:** Listen, it’s not that we didn’t want you all to know, and we weren’t actively hiding it, we just didn’t know how to come out and say it.

**buck-E:** We’re used to being subtle, it was the kind of thing that would have landed us in a lot of trouble when it started y’know? And that’s one of the reason i fucking love this century so much more but it’s also hard to get past that idea that we gotta keep it quiet

**buck-E:**  But it was never a secret, Bruce is just the only one who asked and we said yes and that was that

**spidey:** I stan

**sure:** THIS is what I miss when I decide to take a nap…. Never again

**tone:** Well congrats guys you know you have our full support 

**Nat or something:** Ditto

**thUNder:** This is truly a matter to celebrate!! And we will celebrate together with good times and plenty of beer!!

**spidey:** yeah root beer is the best for celebrating

**spidey:** but not mug mug rootbear is stupid ‘cause it’s caffiene free and then whats even the point of it ugh

**Banter:** Mug is my favorite brand.

**spidey:** check yourself mr. dr. banner A&W is the champion

**tone:** mr. dr. banner?

**spidey:** OKAY whatever… *Mister Dr. Banner… no need to be so nitpicky tony

**Banner:** Why is Tony ‘Tony’ and I’m Mister Dr. banner?

**tone:** I have worked my ass off to be upgraded to Tony you gotta up your game Bruce.

**Nat or something:** Awwww why is Peter using your name so sweet?

**road-E:** I’m proud of you Tony, well done.

**spidey:** oh my gawhd staph lets go back to adoring Stucky how about

**‘Mericass:** Stucky?

**buck-E:** Stucky cause he’s stuck with me I get it

**sure:** It’s just your named combined. I prefer Beve.

**spidey:** BEVE xD

**spidey:** I can’t wait to find true love like this

**tone:** you will eventually, Pete, don’t worry about it or try to rush it you’ve got lots of time.

**spidey:** Oh yeah i know I will as soon as I can move out since May is pretty against letting me get a dog but i’ll get there eventually 

**tone:** Right a dog 

**spidey:** You know how the saying goes… ‘Spider-Mans best friend’

**Legless:** Peter how did you even catch the loverbirds I’ve been spying on them for months and never seen anyhting

**‘Mericass:** Clint! We've talked about this, no more spying.

**spidey:** I was just an innocent bystander, hanging out in the kitchen and I guess they didn’t notice me cause then bam PDA

**buck-E:** 1nd- you were literally hanging out, upside down from the 12 foot ceiling so no we didn’t notice you since we weren’t looking up

**buck-E:** 2st- it wasn’t pda he literally pecked my cheek

**spidey:** and it was GROSS ugh

**‘Mericass:** Sorry I’ll make sure I check the ceiling next time before mauling my partner

**buck-E:** You ain’t ever mauled me anywhere the kid would see

**spidey:** vomits

**sure:** well cutting off that trail of conversation I’m planning a visit to America soon!

**spidey:** YESSSSS

**tone:** You’re welcome to stay at the compound 

**sure:** I am very excited to be a part of everything I usually only get to read here

**spidey:** I can’t wait for you to meet my friend MJ I think you guys’ll be best friends

**buck-E:** What are you going to do if they hate each other?

**spidey:** right actually you can never meet

**maxicough:** Yo peter set up a groupchat asap me you shuri ned and mj 

**spidey:** there’s gonna be some SERIOUS meme content yes ma’am

**buck-E:** I think we need more meme content in this group chat

**buck-E:** Have you guys seen memes? They’re awesome

**‘Mericass:** I can now reveal he tried to make me a ‘love meme’.

**buck-E:** Yeah like a love letter but a meme 

**tone:** There is already enough of that here please and thank you

**road-E:** That’s the most manners Tony’s shown this year

**spidey:** Nah he says thanks to me like a hundred times a day

**tone:** You don’t count Pete you’re my favorite

**spidey:** I am beaming

**thUNder:** I do believe young Peter may be all of our favorites!!

**spidey:** now im crying and beaming omg 

**spidey:** I feel so warm is this what enjoying being alive feels like?

**buck-E:** I wouldn’t know

**buck-E:** Was that good gen Z content?

**spidey:** 10/10

**sure:** excellent 

**maxicough:** So proud of you Bucky

**‘Mericass:** I am distressed. 

**tone:** yep Steve welcome to my world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1nd- What do y'all think of this chapter length? I aim for at least 1k a chapter, but does that work for you guys or do you find them too long/short?
> 
> 2st- Another huge thank you to everyone reading and thanksx2 to everyone commenting I love y'all <3


	21. 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW WHAT AMERICA IS

**sure:** what’s 9 + 10

**maxicough:** 21

**sure:** guns

**Nat or something:** I don’t understand but I agree.

**Justsam:** Okay kids I studied math in highschool and I don’t think that’s right. 

**buck-E:** I think sam that you are wrong

**Justsam:** How?

**buck-E:** You just usually are

**spidey:** What if we don’t actually exist and are actually one of those cartoons that isn’t for kids but also isn’t bad enough that kids couldn’t watch it like the simpsons or futurama what if

**Slang:** OH wow yeah I wonder

**thUNder:** What is the Simpsons and Futurama!! 

**spidey:** Kinda like American Dad

**thUNder:** Oh I see!!

**Justsam:** Why does Thor know what American Dad is?

**buck-E:** spidey and i thought it would be good to help him acclimitize to living here… in america… (sam- its the country we’re in rn btw)

**Justsam:** Yeah. I know what America is.

**Justsam:** That show is not accurate.

**thUNder:** It has been very informative so far!!

**sure:** If you’re such a math genius, Sam, why was 6 afraid of 7?

**Justsam:** I’m not humouring that question

**‘Mericass:** You must not know the answer, then.

**Justsam:** I do so! Everyone does!

**sure:** Then answer it

**Justsam:** I don’t have to prove anything!

**spidey:** Just google it and pretend you knew the answer

**buck-E:** That’s ^^ what i usually do

**Justsam:** I don’t have to google that! Everyone knows it.

**thUNder:** I do not! Please share!!

**‘Mericass:** You know, Sam, for someone who talks about their math abilities so often I’m surprised you don’t know this one.

**Justsam:** Jesus Christ I’m putting down my phone and walking away. 

**buck-E:** COWARD

**sure:** That’s fine, just know we’ll be here talking about you

**‘Mericass:** Hey everyone, can you believe Sam doesn’t know the 6 afraid of 7 math question?

**Justsam:** It’s not math it’s a joke!!

**buck-E:** A joke you clearly don’t know

**Justsam:** Walking away

**thUNder:** You’ve said that before, how did it go?!!

**maxicough:** Sam, I’ll tell you the answer if you’d like…

**Justsam:** I know the damn answer

**tone:** I always found it more likely we are just incredibly advanced AI in a simulation. 

**spidey:** if mr stark the smartest man in the entire world says we’re the sims then we’re the sims

**tone:** Well thanks, Pete, but I mean a simulation not The Sims. 

**maxicough:** We are all sims confirmed

**buck-E:** Everything makes sense now thanks guys

**spidey:** Lets riot and figure out the admin controls

**Slang:** If I scream ctrl shift c MOTHERLODE loud enough do you think I’ll get rich?

**sure:** Almost certainly.

**Slang:** CTRL SHIFT C MOTHERLODE 

**Slang:** Did it work?

**buck-E:** Yep ur rich now

**‘Mericass:** *You are

**buck-E:**  eye roll emoji

**thUNder:** What is this Sims?

**spidey:** I was gonna say it lets you play god but…

**thUNder:** I am a God I do not need to play!!

**maxicough:** Thor what if I told you could make people fall in love delete ladders in pools to drown people and make people eat nothing but salad for every meal?

**thUNder:** I do not wish for such power!!

**buck-E:** Ew salad is gross

**Justsam:** I watched you eat 4 entire bags of coleslaw without the dressing yesterday

**buck-E:** ……….

**‘Mericass:** Is this one of those video games?

**tone:** Yep.

**Banter:** I just put the Sims on auto and focus on the architecture. 

**buck-E:** That’s why it should be multiplayer cause i just build a box with a toilet and they live in it

**spidey:** I want a multiplayer sims where we can all make ourselves in it and play together

**tone:** Life, Peter, that’s called ‘life’.

**spidey:** no cause in life you have to LIVE and god what a drag none of that bs in the sims

**tone:** Pete please

**Banter:** I got the university expansion but I haven’t gotten to try it yet.

**spidey:** i should just get that instead of going to university

**tone:** Pete please

**Banter:** Not a bad idea! Then you can have the full experience without actually getting into any trouble OR sitting through boring classes.

**tone:** Bruce Please.

**sure:** The university expansion is one of the best ones! 

**spidey:** I’m going to code a spiderman mod so i can protect the citizens of Bridgeport

**maxicough:** way to casually brag you have the late night expansion smh

**tone:** But you could just… you know what great plan, kid. 

**spidey:** I could sell it for so many dollars

**buck-E:** I’ll give you 80 for it

**spidey:** sold

**Banter:** I would play a spiderman game!

**maxicough:** Can i do all the voice acting for the thwip noises your webs make?

**spidey:** Totally

**buck-E:** Can I commision a falcon game so I can play it and make him lose every. single. Fight.?

**Justsam:** Unnecessarily mean.

**spidey:** anyone wanna get in on a group tiktok account with me?

**sure:** Only if we can do the moto moto song 

**buck-E:** spidey will you show me what tiktok is?

**tone:** Bucky will Regret 100

**spidey:** Great meme usage mr stark im a proud son

**Banter:** An Avengers tiktok account would be hilarious!

**maxicough:** I’m always impressed with how in tune with the youth Bruce is

**Banter:** I would like to dance to the Mii shop theme song like the cool kids!

**tone:** Have I mentioned I’m retiring?

**‘Mericass:** I should have done it 40 years ago.

**maxicough:** Ugh Steve saaaaaame

**spidey:** so mr stark WHAT IF shuri wanda dr banner and i just made a tiktok and could all skip the interviews hmmmmMMM?

**tone:** You don’t HAVE to do the interviews I already told you that.

**buck-E:** Steve said I have to ):   
**‘Mericass:** “Hey buck don’t worry if you’re not comfortable doing an interview, no pressure!” 

**‘Mericass:** I just copy and pasted that from what I sent him on texting yesterday. 

**sure:** are we going to ignore ‘on texting’ or latch onto it for a solid 7 minutes?

**buck-E:** Yeah so basically Steve said I had to or he’d be super mad and maybe kick me off the Avengers and then I can’t be on the tiktok account so I basically have to ):

**Justsam:** “C’mon Sam just do one talk show or something.” that was Steve sent me on texting yesterday just in case you thought he was that soft with everyone. 

**tone:** I can do enough talk shows for everybody Kimmel LOVES me

**Legless:** He loves me more.

**buck-E:** Wait till he meets me, he’ll probably delete all your contacts to make room for our selfies together I’m gonna charm the socks off america (sam- america is the country we live in btw)

**Justsam:** I KNOW WHAT AMERICA IS

**tone:** AS IF I’ve been giving Kimmel prime content since before you were born kiddo. 

**buck-E:** 1917\. I was born in 1917.

**tone:** I stand by my statement. 

**spidey:** I only want to go on tv if its james corden

**spidey:** and im doing carpool karaoke

**spidey:** and thats how the rumours of spiderman secretly being fall out boy begin

**maxicough:** The entire band

**spidey:** yeh oc

**maxicough:** Well, Tony, take what you can get I guess. 

**tone:** Again… no one has to do any interviews

**buck-E:** GAH the peer pressure is OVERWHLMING

**Nat or something:** Oh, hi, Clint. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We don't talk about s*ny vs d*sney in this household


	22. It's a bird thing, okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how Bucky got a sparkly purple glove and why

**Justsam:** Anyone want to enlighten me on why Barnes is wearing a single winter glove, indoors, in June, on only his METAL hand?

**buck-E:** Maybe I’m cold.

**buck-E:** Or maybe Spidey is just the BEST.

**buck-E:** Only the wisps of the wind know.

**‘Mericass:** I also know.

**‘Mericass:** Buck was very excited to share the story behind it with me.

**tone:** What kind of glove?

**Justsam:** You know just thin winter gloves, the one’s that walmart always has for like 80 cents.

**buck-E:** It’s sparkly I love it. 

**Legless:** Is it supposed to be a fashion statement?

**buck-E:** Nah it’s practical 

**Legless:** You’re cold in June, and you’re fighting that by wearing a tanktop and shorts and a single glove on your metal arm. 

**Justsam:** That’s what I’m saying man!!

**buck-E:** I didn’t say I was using it to stay warm!

**spidey:** Is it a secret?

**buck-E:** It wasn’t but now that Sam wants to know I think it is.

**‘Mericass:** Well I’m glad you aren’t deliberately antagonizing anyone.

**Legless:** Can I know? I won’t tell Sam

**buck-E:** Hmmmmm

**Nat or something:** I have a pretty educated guess.

**Banter:** It’s a good thing you mentioned we’re keeping it a secret, I had the explanation all typed up and ready to go!

**Legless:** Why does Bruce get to know and I don’t?!

**buck-E:** Nat what’s your guess?

**Nat or something:** Is it perhaps… a special glove?

**spidey:** Ohhhhh she knows!!

**‘Mericass:** It’s Nat, of course she does.

**Legless:** Hey i’m just as good a spy as nat!

**Justsam:** Oh yeah of course you are pal

**Banter:** Awww yeah Clint you’re a great spy!

**buck-E:** Clint, buddy, pal, friend-o, we aren’t saying you aren’t an incredible spy. But, like, dude, man, homie, this is NAT we’re comparing you to…

**buck-E:** That’s like comparing the greatest lamp in the entire world to the sun… it’s still a great lamp and all but…

**Legless:** Did you just call me a lamp?

**Nat or something:** Did you just call me the sun?

**Legless:** Jerk ):

**Nat or something:** Thanks (:

**Justsam:** It’s okay Clint I think you’re the sun too

**Justsam:** And Nat is just like a slightly better sun.

**Legless:** It’s not that I don’t completely agree with you but I got a rep to maintain guys Nat can’t know I know she’s a better spy than me! That would be like Steve admitting Bucky is the cooler supersoldier like yeah everyone knows it but he can’t say it.

**‘Mericass:** Hey I’m cool!

**buck-E:** Hey Steve’s cool!

**buck-E:** (In his own way)

**Banter:** Okay guys lets just all agree we’re all the same level of spy and cool.

**spidey:** Yep but im x2 both

**Justsam:** Do NOT let this get off track I want answers. 

**buck-E:** Why do you care?

**Legless:** We didn’t care but then you said we can’t know so now we have to know. 

**Justsam:** It’s a bird thing, okay?

**Nat or something:** See I’m conflicted because I want to tell Sam, because Bucky doesn’t want me to, but he’ll tell Clint, and I don’t want Clint to know.

**Legless:** Why not?!

**Nat or something:** Because you DO want to know.

**Slang:** I thought it was just part of your winter soldier suit or something.

**tone:** Mmm yes nothing compliments leather like a purple glove.

**buck-E:** Lets not forget the sparkles please

**Slang:** Hey Sam has swimming goggles and Steve wears our flag I don’t assume anymore

**Legless:** You know what happens when you assume

**spidey:** no i dont

**Legless:** You make an ASS out of U and ME

**spidey:** oh cause thats how you spell assume oh thats funny haha

**Justsam:** I’m gonna SQUISH you they aren’t swimming goggles!!

**‘Mericass:** Scott has a good point.

**buck-E:** They’re part of the uniform now!

**buck-E:** But really, you guys remember back in the day when I had lots of typos and misspellings? 

**Justsam:** You mean yesterday

**buck-E:** Well Peter noticed I only type with one hand. ‘Cause I only have one hand. My metal one is awesome don’t get me wrong but it doesn’t work on touch screens.

**tone:** I never even thought of that but yeah it wouldn’t.

**buck-E:** Well Peter noticed so he bought me this nifty glove that works on touch screens! I guess it’s supposed to be so you can text even when it’s cold outside but it works like a charm on my metal hand!

**Justsam:** Aw shit that’s cute!

**tone:** Ah Pete I’m so proud of you.

**‘Mericass:** Bucky was so excited to show me, I’m surprised he kept it a secret that long!

**buck-E:** It’s SO COOL! Truly the peak of modern technology.

**tone:** I’m not sure I’d go that far.

**spidey:** Thanks, Tony! It was nothing though i just noticed it haha

**buck-E:** Hey now, don’t downplay yourself, Peter, I do really appreciate it!

**Legless:** Nat were you right?

**Nat or something:** Of course. 

**Banter:** I’m sure we can figure out something to make your arm itself work with touch screens!

**buck-E:** Eh I like the glove better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it June? I guess so. Have I said what time of year it is before? I did a quick check and didn't find anything except referring to Peter as being in school still so... it's early June now I guess. 
> 
> Next chapters almost done, they do their first 2 talk shows


	23. super-saliva

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> buck-E: Would it look bad if I made a tweet that says I don’t want to spit on anyone?

**Entertainment Tonight** @etnow

@jimmykimmel interviewed @realtonystark @capamerica and team tonight, catch up on the highlights here etonline.com

 

**clara clark** @clarcal

@etnow I can’t believe you didn’t put steve blushing when bucky talked about his lube on this list

 

**Barker barkes** @jokerkid

@clarcal wait what?! I didn’t see the interview yet what happened??

 

**Clara clark** @clarcal

@jokerkid kimmel asked him if the arm ever gets stuck or sqeaky and he said it does but it’s an easy fix with a little lube and stev BLUSHED i swear to god my gay children 

 

**Tim Hamilton** @thehammy

@clarcal I want it put in writing I call it those two are in luv

  

\--

**break me barnes** @ianmess

YALL SEE JIMMY FALLON DRINK BUCKY BARNES Spit

 

**Sssstarkk** @hhdm

@ianmess Is it weird im jealous??

 

**Bella b gone** @bbgone

@ianmess Babe we’re all jealous of that

 

**buzzfeet** @feetnews

@ianmess The darling looked like he felt so bad thoooooo

 

**sure stan** @lesliane

@hhdm Yes that is weird. 

 

**sure stan** @lesliane 

@ianmess I can’t believe he actually did it! That’s so gross!

 

**rob bobert** @roborbob

@ianmess same tho

 

**sticky tricky ricky** @stitriricky

@ianmess skip the glass he can just spit on me

 

\---

**Jack jackson** @jjacks

Best part of the @jimmykimmel interview was the fact that captain america has favourite disney movies that he knows the songs to but these movies weren’t out until he was over 100 years old #nevertooold

 

**avenging the avengers** @avsavsavs

@jjacks i like to think the avengers have movie nights that frequently consist of disney movies

 

**Jack jackson** @jjacks

@avsavsavs omg yes !!

 

\---

 

**sarah s** @sarahaas

Who what where when and WHY is nobody talking about tony stark referring to spiderman as the kid??? Is spiderman a kid?? Is he HIS kid??? 

 

**damn spidey** @fredd

@sarahaas idk I mean all possible but also I feel like Stark would call Steve Rogers ‘kid’ he just has that vibe

 

**spodersam** @samuelack

@fredd Tony Stark has major dad mood

 

**sarah s** @sarahaas

@samuelack Truly dadular

 

\---

 

**the avengers need to do more press** @connersm

Okay twitter assemble which was better the fallon segment or kimmel interview??

 

**Barker barkes** @jokerkid

@connersm The kimmel interview was better but fallon literally drank super-saliva I have to give him points for that

 

**Sssstarkk** @hhdm

@connersm gah i can’t choose!! 

 

**jane not jayne** @orjann

@connersm I’m going with kimmel just cause they all seemed so genuine and sweet!

 

**stucky** @lucky

@connersm kimmel cause fallon didn’t have iron man OR captain america and while i love them all Kimmel had my faves

 

\---

 

**spidey:** Do you any of you have twitter????

**tone:** Our PR team made sure we all do

**spidey:** Do you any of you use twitter????

**buck-E:** I used to but now that everyone is talking about drinking my spit I’m kinda over it.

**‘Mericass:** Wait, what?!

**road-E:** Yeah it’s a mess.

**buck-E:** This is why I was nervous about doing a talk show!

**tone:** No this is good! Internet people are… weird. But a viral video is a good thing! Good press.

**buck-E:** They want me to spit! In their MOUTHS! What the fuck??

**thUNder:** While it is strange they do not know you, do not worry Buchanan, it is a relatively tame request compared to how we show adoration in Asgard!

**Legless:** I was way too close to drinking Buckys spit last night that was the closest call of my life.

**maxicough:** I still can’t believe i didn’t win smh

**buck-E:** I was cheated

**Optics:** I did not do well. 

**maxicough:** You did great, Vis I promise

**buck-E:** Bigger issue at hand??

**tone:** Just stay off the internet for a bit it’ll calm down when the next big thing happens. 

**spidey:** I can’t believe bucky got to do 2 interviews and i didnt get to do any ))):   
**tone:** You begged not to do one!

**spidey:** Ik thank you again <3 I reall didnt want to but maybe next time. It sucks i have to stay in my mask while you all get to look slick tho ;///

**buck-E:** I’ll wear my uniform too so we match

**maxicough:** friendship goals

**‘Mericass:** We need to make Bucky more approachable to the public, everyone already likes Spiderman.

**buck-E:** Yeah I’m plenty approachable if they’re tweeting me asking me to spit on them.

**spidey:** I heard that spiderman fella is a real cool guy

**buck-E:** Would it look bad if I made a tweet that says I don’t want to spit on anyone?

**tone:** Unfortunately, yes. Just ride it out.

**buck-E:** I feel so bad. I can’t believe, I CANNOT believe I did that. Poor Jimmy. He was such a good sport but I feel so bad. 

**buck-E:** Should I send him a muffin basket? Is that what you should do after making someone drink your spit on live TV?

**‘Mericass:** You’re overreacting, Buck, it’s fine! He could have given himself an out if he really cared. It made good TV- that’s what he wanted!

**buck-E:** Mmmm I guess….

**tone:** I’ll send a muffin basket and a little apology note in your name

**buck-E:** THANK YOU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I obviously took plenty of liberties as to how the interviews went + the actors are very different from their characters but ehm I recommend watching this...  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuGhZGaSQew
> 
> Also all of the twitter accounts except ET's are completely made up on the spot


	24. coinky dink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> make it say steve

**spidey:** it must have been a jumping spider that bit me cause my thoughts jump like a jumping spider

**spidey:**  what a coincidence

**Nat or something:** That's not a coincidence. 

**buck-E:** I like 'co-inky-dink' more 

**buck-E:** That's my word of the day

**spidey:** That's a registered villain word tho :o

**'Mericass:** Why is it a villainous word?

**spidey:** Whens the last time you heard a good guy say coinkydink it's always bad guys after they catch u in a trap and they storll in swinging their umbrella say 'well well well what a coinkydink' 

**Justsam:** ...coinkydink

**Legless:** COINKY-DINK

**buck-E:** This might be the first time I witness the importance of punctuation first hand. 

**tone:** Pete, do a lot of villains talk about their Coinky Dink's?

**spidey:** this is bullying smh

**buck-E:** Is 'smh' 'so much hate' or 'shaking my head' 

**Legless:** It's actually 'stab me, heathen!!!'

**tone:** In this context it's actually 'still my hero'.

**spidey:** :|

**spidey:** is it illegal to make a website?

**spidey:** c'mon someone answer

**spidey:** ites been an hour

**tone:** No, it's been 14 minutes. 

**spidey:** tony answer my Q

**tone:** No... it is not illegal to make a website. As made obvious by the plethora of... websites.

**spidey:** Thats not what i meant i meant like can i make a website

**spidey:** i want to make spideyman a website 

**tone:** What for?

**spidey:** because graphic design is my passion

**tone:** You'll code it yourself?

**spidey:** Yep

**spidey:** on wix

**spidey:** My domain will be 4realspiderman

**spidey:** And when you click on the 'people i know' tab This Is America by Childish Gambino starts playing and the screen flashes with pictures of steve rogers glaring

**Justsam:** I do that dance so good

**buck-E:** spidey taught me the git up dance

**‘Mericass:** I don’t know either of these dances. 

**tone:** I only know how to dougie

**spidey:** tony will you teach me how to dougie?

**Legless:** teach me teach me how to dougie

**tone:** Clint you can’t dougie?

**Legless:** No but I can do the cowboy boogie

**buck-E:** You just gotta grab your love partner

**buck-E:** Steve get your ass over here and do the 2 step

**spidey:** do the cowboy boogie

**Legless:** do the hoedown and get into it

**‘Mericass:** I’d rather not.

**Justsam:** Well shit now I wanna learn The Git Up.

**spidey:** And i wanna learn to dougie ):

**Nat or something:** I just want whatever this is to end

**buck-E:** Stevie wait till I teach ya line dancing it’s a blast

**‘Mericass:** I look forward to it.

**road-E:** So how’s everyones weekend going?

**spidey:** I watched 17 hours of Ancient Aliens and tried to give myself a tattoo

**tone:** Well it WAS good until I had a heart attack 20 seconds ago courtesy of Peter.

**Nat or something:** Tried?

**Legless:** It’s about to get a whole lot better, I’m gonna go get a tattoo now

**spidey:** Everytime it started to heal it like pushed the ink out it was super weird next im gonna try a piercing and see if it heals around it or not

**Banner:** That’s very fascinating

**spidey:** I think an eyebrow piercing would make me look a lot more tough

**buck-E:** I agree

**tone:** Anyone enabling this can live on the streets please Peter do not pierce your eyebrow jfc

**spidey:** Fine.

**Nat or something:** You should have been less specific, Tony.

**spidey:** Anyone have a sewing needle and some ice I can borrow?

**tone:** ANYONE WHO SAYS YES IS KICKED OUT

**buck-E:** Yeah sure

**spidey:** My selfies are gonna be so dope with a tongue piercing (if it sticks)

**Legless:** HAHAHAH Good Luck Stark. 

**Slang:** Welcome to the realities of parenting

**tone:** I need an emotional support group to join asap

**Slang:** We meet Tuesdays

**Legless:** At second cup

**road-E:** 1330

**tone:** Platypus you have a kid???

**road-E:** Yeah

**road-E:** It’s YOU

**buck-E:** Can I go? Parenting Steve is hard work.

**‘Mericass:** If either one of us needs a parenting group it’s me!!

**buck-E:** AS IF. You don’t even look ONE way before crossing the street nevermindn both ways

**‘Mericass:** You only eat vegetables if I blend them up and hide them in your food!

**buck-E:** You run into battle against bad guys with advanced weaponry with nothing but a tinfoil shield to defend yourself with!

**‘Mericass:** I asked if the water was ready for the potatoes and you stuck your (flesh) hand in the water to check if it was boiling!

**buck-E:** And it WASN’T! You jump out of airplanes without parachutes! Frequently!

**‘Mericass:** You broke our TV throwing a knife into the screen!

**sure:** TINFOIL

**Banner:** Hey kids remember that vine?

**spidey:** steve: Let me see what you have

**spidey:** bucky: A KNIFE  
 **spidey:** steve: NO  
 **spidey:** that one?

 

**Banner:** Hahaha yeah

**sure:** T I N F O I L

**sure:** >:(

**buck-E:** The commercial was annoying me

**tone:** I do NOT need to be parented! 

**road-E:** I have got stories that would say otherwise

**tone:** ):   
**Slang:** Well suddenly Cassie not cleaning up after herself doesn’t seem so bad

**Nat or something:** Scott, all parenting problems are equal. From Cassie trying to drop herself out of school to start a company to Bucky trying to set a record for most redbulls drank in a minute.

**‘Mericass:** Hah! Nat agrees I’m the parent!

**buck-E:** So mean

**spidey:** It didn’t work

**tone:** … what didn’t work.

**spidey:** the piercing my tongue thing

**spidey:** I”M KIDDING DONT GET MAD I DIDNT ACTUALY DO IT

**spidey:** yet

**tone:** gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

**buck-E:** If I want a tattoo on my left arm is it still considered a tattoo if its actually an engraving?

**Legless:** AHAHAHHA I’m just picturing Barnes walkin up to a ‘Things Engraved’ kiosk in the mall, flopping his arm on the counter

**Legless:** “Make it say Steve”

**buck-E:** I would

**Nat or something:** I mean I think Tony could do it

**spidey:** And if you want a tattoo tatto on your other arm I can do that i have lots of practice now!

**tone:** -_-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love y'all <3 Thanks for reading!!  
> (Also- the spacing went wonky again smh sorry)


	25. 凸ಠ益ಠ)凸

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why does Peter get 120 feet of fun and 120 feet of paper when I only get 0 feet of fun and 0 feet of paper? 

**spidey:** I just got home from grocery shopping with my aunt and i bought a box of 40 fruit by the foots

**sure:** That’s 120 feet of fun

**Legless:** I love those!! Can I have one???

**spidey:** Sorry I already ate them all

**tone:** You ate all of them?!

**Justsam:** You ate 120 feet of fun in one night?

**spidey:** if i ate all the paper too does that mean it was actually 240 feet of fun? 

**tone:** Tell me you did not eat 120 feet of waxy paper.

**Slang:** Don’t encourage your boy to lie, Stark!

**sure:** parker aint no boy

**spidey:** Tell em, shuri!!

**sure:** he a boi

**spidey:** I’m a man! 

**spidey:** oh lol that too

**Justsam:** Tonight on the battlefield we see IronMan, AntMan, and Spider-Boi

**spidey:** u can see spideyboi swing in while attempting his longest t yeah boy ever

**road-E:** I’d like to go back to the 120 feet of paper Peter ate. 

**spidey:** Yet no one respects the 120 feet of fun that went with it smh

**Legless:** All I wanted was 3 feet of fun and 3 feet of paper.

**Legless:** Why does Peter get 120 feet of fun and 120 feet of paper when I only get 0 feet of fun and 0 feet of paper? 

**Nat or something:** You’re an adult, go buy your own. 

**tone:** Bold assumption than any of us are adults. 

**Slang:** Tru

**Slang:** Real talk- I have a costco membership if anyone wants to make a run for a bulk amount of anything

**Slang:** Including, but not limited to, 240 feet of paper and/or fun. 

**spidey:** Mr aunt man have I mentioned you’re my fav avenger l8ly?

**tone:** (ಥ﹏ಥ)

**Slang:** (^○^)

**buck-E:** HOW

**buck-E:** How do I do that?!?

**spidey:** bucky = (ﾒ` ﾛ ´)︻デ═一

**buck-E:** how do i make heart eyes

**tone:** You do it often enough, just look at Steve

**‘Mericass:** ♡＾▽＾♡

**Justsam:** Witchcraft

**maxicough:** Can confirm that’s not true

**buck-E:** I am OUTRAGE. How does Steve know how to do it and I don’t???

**buck-E:** WHo helped him???

**Optic:** |･ω･)

**buck-E:** O,,,,,(__),,,,,O 

**buck-E:** There. I did one. 

**Justsam:** 0.5/10

**spidey:** (っ´ω`)ﾉ(╥ω╥)

**buck-E:** How do you do the ballsack thing?

**tone:** (－‸ლ)

**buck-E:** Is it the candian keyboard thing?

**‘Mericass:** Canadian keyboard?

**Slang:** Canadians don’t have keyboards silly Bucky

**spidey:** I’ll tell you how to do it if you buy me 120 feet of fun and 120 feet of paper (don’t worry, it’s a packagae deal kinda thing)

**Optic:** Canadians do, in fact, have keyboards.

**sure:** Today I learned: Canadians can only type in kawaii

**spidey:** sum dae i’l moov 2 cananda

**Justsam:** I feel like you went out of your way to make that awful. 

**buck-E:** I can be kawaii just show me how to do it!

**maxicough:** Bucky is very Kawaii, to be fair. 

**Nat or something:** It’s true.

**buck-E:** 凸ಠ益ಠ)凸

**buck-E:** I googled it

**spidey:** Has anyone shown mr. america hetalia yet?

**Banter:** Please do that. 

**maxicough:** germany is hot 

**Banter:** Italy is husband material 

**‘Mericass:** I already know I want absolutely nothing to do with this. 

**buck-E:**...which means I want everything to do with it

**tone:** ‘Mr Stark, may I make an Avengers group chat so we can discuss training plans and schedules?’ ‘Why, Mr Parker, absolutely, what a great idea’

**road-E:** We all know that’s not how this chat happened.

**Slang:** Yeah, for starters, you actually spelt anything correctly. 

**spidey:** I can spell things right it’s a stylistic choice not to smh

**sure:** Also, if we scroll way way way back I’m pretty sure you said no

**tone:** Logistics.

**tone:** The point stands- this was never supposed to end in talking about anime. 

**spidey:** (it was)

**tone:** Not. 

**spidey:** (supposed to amount to anything else) 

**Legless:** I think I’m gonna start a music career

**buck-E:** Can I be your harmonicist?

**spidey:** im a super good beat boxer

**tone:** Grand idea. World is ending but half the Avengers are on tour so come on in aliens make yourself at home why not.

**maxicough:** Ms Gaudet did say we should all find hobbies…

**sure:** who dat

**maxicough:** Our team therapist, she lives in the compound because we all got mad issues 

**road-E:** We added her to our full time medical staff at the compound, but she’s available for all compound employees, including the Shield and reg force members on site. 

**sure:** well if she says you have to form a band guess you gotta

**tone:** That is NOT what she said. 

**Legless:** I’ll sing, we need someone to rap the verses though…

**Slang:** *slides in*

**Justsam:** I dibs being your manager

**Justsam:** I need an album by tomorrow or your unsigned 

**Legless:** I can smell fame already

**tone:** YOU’RE ALL HOUSEHOLD NAMES ALREADY

**spidey:** sumdae theyll know our names

**Legless:** ^^^ Album name

**buck-E:** Steve will you buy me a harmonica?

**road-E:** Tony, just let it happen. 

**tone:** When did I become the responsible one?

**‘Mericass:** Welcome to my goddamn life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disney+ having the 80s spiderman cartoon made my day
> 
> Also- I think I solved my spacing issue but we'll see

**Author's Note:**

> I've read so many 'incorrect marvel quotes' and other groupchat fics at this point I honestly don't know what an original thought is anymore so if I copied something you/someone you know actually came up with PLEASE let me know and I'll credit you I promise it was an accident!!
> 
> I put a lot of time into formatting on this bad boy so sorry if something slipped past me.


End file.
